Sunday, July 11, 2010

They Eliminate Guys Too Quickly

Mistake 4
Jessica was approachable.  She was easy going, laughed a lot and made people around her feel great about themselves.  These qualities made her the kind of girl who was asked out frequently, but she rarely actually went on dates.  They may have been worthy guys, but she didn’t think she should go out with anyone that she wasn’t already attracted to.  Okay, let’s get more specific, if she didn’t think the guy had Abercrombie abs she wouldn’t go out with him.  Now, Jessica had a ridiculously high standard for physique, but that is not the only thing girls have crazy high standards for.  Some of you won’t go out with a guy who doesn’t drive the right kind of car or doesn’t appear to be spiritual enough.
It’s great that some of you girls have already set your standards high and aren’t willing to settle (at least for those things that aren’t superficial), but lighten up!  It’s just a date, not a marriage proposal!  Go somewhere and get to know someone new.  Take an opportunity to ask questions (see Appendix B for suggestions) and practice your listening skills. 
Here are some principles to follow:
  1. If you know that you know that you know that he is not someone who loves Jesus YOU CAN STILL GO ON ONE DATE.  It is great to be able to practice all these new skills (discussed in Chapter 11) you are working toward.  Even if this is not Mr. Right, the more you go out with new people, the more comfortable you will feel talking and laughing with new people.  One day when you meet your Mr. Amazing you won’t be tongue-tied and laughing awkwardly, because you’ve been out with new people so many times before.
  • The one exception to this rule is if you are attracted to this person or know you could be, say no.  Don’t set yourself up for temptation.  You will occasionally find yourself having great chemistry with someone who is not a follower of Christ and you need to use wisdom and stay away from this temptation.  “Don't become partners with those who reject God.  How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong?” (2 Corinthians 6:14, The Message)
  • If you are going out with someone you don’t know very well, meet him somewhere public, in the daytime.  Also, make sure you always tell family or friends who you are going with and where you are going.
  1. If he is follower of Christ, but you just aren’t attracted to him for whatever reason, give him AT LEAST two datesAgain, just look at it as great practice for your new conversation skills.  Often, girls are surprised that the guy they thought was a dud is really a stud!  Think about it this way, on the first date the guy is super nervous to be out with a girl as hot as you and will be awkward.  On the second date, he’s getting another chance to make a better impression.  If, after two dates, it is clear for you that this isn’t going to go anywhere, gently tell him this and move on.  In the meantime, you get some free coffee and maybe a meal or two and he gets to be seen with an amazing woman like you!  (On that note, if you are going on a date with a guy, let him pay.  Do not offer to pay.  After he treats you say, “Thank you so much for buying this great meal for me!”)
  • Please keep in mind that just because you go on more than one date with someone you are not committed to them!  If you keep a physical relationship out of it, it is perfectly acceptable for you to be dating more than one person at a time.  
Again, a date is not the rest of your life.  If someone other than an ax-murderer asks you out, say yes!  Listen, laugh, talk and have a great time getting to know someone new!
When was the last time someone who was not an ax-murderer asked you out and you said no?  Ask yourself what terrible thing would have happened if you had said yes?  That's right, nothing!  Keep practicing those smiles and be ready to say yes this week!

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