Saturday, July 31, 2010

They Do Not Know How to Flirt

Mistake #7

Charis had a lean athletic body, from years of competing in triathlons. She was around guys and the guys noticed her. They checked her out all the time! Did she notice? No! When she did make eye contact with a guy she would naturally look down and immediately start talking with her friends. She was always surrounded by many fun girlfriends! When a guy would approach her she would answer his questions with short answers, smile and laugh nervously. She had so much attention but not many dates. Why? She didn’t know how to flirt.

For some reason, flirting often has negative connotations in the Christian culture. However, I assure you that Eve flirted with Adam… I mean, how else do we exist?! This is part of being approachable and will often give him that extra boost of courage he needs to ask you on a date. I (Leslie) was a flirting professional, in fact, in college Mary had to have an intervention with me to help me tone down my unintentional flirting! Here are some of my tips for healthy flirting:

1) Be aware. They are checking YOU out! You are a female… The guys are aware of you! Look around the room. You’re sure to find a few guys looking at you! As you practice the guidelines in this book you will definitely notice the cuties paying even more attention to you.

2) Be near him. Let him notice you and notice you repeatedly. Do not approach him, but make sure you are in his line of vision. If you are at coffee shop or restaurant, make an excuse to walk by his table. Proximity is the number one factor in attraction.

3) Make eye contact and smile. Practice this on everyone. It is common courtesy. When you make eye contact with someone do not look away immediately. Hold their eye contact for 2-3 seconds and smile.

4) Look back and smile. After the initial eye contact, look at something else for two seconds and then look back and hold his gaze for another 2-3 seconds while smiling. Be brave moment: After holding his gaze for the second time, end it with a wink.

5) LISTEN to them. Ask more questions than you answer. People love for others to find them interesting and guys love an intriguing girl! At the end of your conversation he should know very little about you and you should know plenty about him. Look at Appendix B for question ideas.

6) Use light, appropriate touch. When he has said something funny, laugh lightly and briefly touch his arm or shoulder. Touch is very powerful. Use it to be fun and flirty. Never touch his legs… Touching his legs can be too powerful.

7) Use his name 2 or 3 times within the conversation. People love to hear their own name. It makes them feel as if they mean something to you because you remember their name. Use his name in a playful and flirty way. When he makes a joke, giggle and say, “Oh, Trey, you are so funny.” Or when you ask a question say, “Brad, where did you grow up?”

Other flirting techniques are found throughout this book. Study the guidelines. Apply the guidelines. Put the book down right now and schedule a time with some friends to help each other practice these flirting techniques. Flirting is really about being open, friendly, and playful. Have fun!!!

So...  Do you relate to this?!?  Is this a mistake you make?  Please, let us know!  Apply these guidelines this week and let us know what happens!  Please!!!  Let us know!

They Are Always in a Girl Pack

Mistake 6

Megan and Caitlin have been best friends for years. They are adorable, hilarious and intelligent. They know so many people and are involved in countless activities in their community. They do everything together and with all of their girlfriends. If they go out to eat, they are with eleven other girls. People are naturally drawn to both Megan and Caitlin. In fact, if you were to observe them at a party you would see the guys at the party checking them out! They have everything going for them; yet, neither of them has been on a date in years! Why? They are constantly in a Girl Pack.

We love our girlfriends! We love to be around people who know us, love us, know how to make us laugh and listen to us when we cry. Naturally, when we are going about our everyday lives we want our girlfriends around. So, we travel in Girl Packs! When attractive, interested guys see us traveling in our Girl Packs, they typically run away in fear. Even the most confident guy will not approach a girl at a party when she is standing in a close knit circle with her girlfriends - talk about intimidating! He doesn’t want to face that level of embarrassment if there is a possibility of you rejecting him in front of twenty other girls. Oh, and by the way, you and one other friend are still considered a Girl Pack.

Staying in a Girl Pack is a bad habit. But leaving the Pack for the first time is a little scary! Here are some steps to becoming an independent girl.

1) Start by going to the restroom alone.

Don’t go straight for the restroom. Take the long route. Walk with a purpose but as you walk observe everything that is going on around you. Look around the room and make eye contact with people. Smile at them. A confident, courageous girl goes alone!

2) When you get thirsty go to get a drink alone.

A guy who finds you attractive is much more likely to approach you when you are alone. Go to the drink stand, get a drink and hang out for awhile taking small sips. Smile with your eyes and casually look around the room. Again, make eye contact with people and SMILE! After a few minutes you can go and find your friends again.

3) Never stay in a girl pack for more than 10 minutes at a time at any mixed social function.

After 10 minutes find someone else to talk to or casually take a walk around the room. As you are walking, enjoy yourself. And, once more, make eye contact (for at least two long seconds) with other people and SMILE!

You can apply these steps at any large or small group event, on the college campus, in a restaurant, at a dance, at church… Basically, anywhere.

(Sidenote: We understand that you are girls who love people and have a heart for people.  Please do not misunderstand our hearts.  We want you to fully focus on your friends and family and the people you are interacting with.  However, you need to leave your comfort zones and meet new people.  Be bold and step away from the group of girls you are always around.)
We want your comments!  Tell us if this relates to you...  If you notice yourself making this mistake...  If you are totally against this idea!  We want to hear from you!!!

Monday, July 19, 2010

They Do Not Care About Their Appearance

Mistake 5

Rachel is the typical college student. She’s attractive, a member of a top sorority and very intelligent. Everyone loves her sense of humor and she is full of interesting stories and anecdotes. She has traveled extensively and has a ton of girlfriends but guys don’t pay much attention to her. Why? She wears her “comfy” clothes to class and around campus all day. She doesn’t wear make-up. Why should she? She believes that a guy should like her for who she is, not how she looks.

Let’s face it. Love is NOT blind. In a dream world a guy would look past your big hoodie sweatshirt covering your fave sorority social tee and see just your beautiful heart at first sight. However, this doesn’t happen. Guys are very visual and dressing attractively is just a simple way to show that you care about yourself. You can still be low maintenance and look fantastic! Here are a few tips:

1) Clothing: You don’t have to spend a lot of money on clothing or be trendy to make yourself look great! Find a friend who has a sense of style you like and have her look at your wardrobe and help you put together 7-10 rockin’ outfits that make you feel confident. Wear clean, unwrinkled clothing that flatters your figure!

2) Accessories: A pair of hot jeans and a white or black fitted tee can look adorable and attractive when you pair a dangly pair of earrings, a cute necklace and a fun handbag with it. You don’t have to own 56 pairs of shoes but pick a couple of sassy pairs that will go with anything. Accessories are the frosting on the cake… They get the attention. Again, if you are not confident, ask a friend.

3) Make-up: Make-up is amazing!!! Always apply a little. You don’t have to wear a mask of make-up but you can use it to accentuate your strong features and hide the blemishes. Find a friend who does a great job with her make-up and ask for some tips. Go with a friend to the make-up counter at the local department store and ask for a makeover. This can be a fun trip and you can learn a lot. You should own a good concealer to hide the blemishes, blush to define your cheeks, mascara to bring out your glam lashes and lip gloss to highlight your pouty lips.

4) Nails: It doesn’t matter if your nails are long or short. They just need to be well-groomed. If you wear toeless shoes or flip-flops, your feet should look good. Pay for a pedicure. Then you can maintain your feet with some exfoliating scrub, a good pumice stone and nail polish. Keep your fingernails clean and file them so they are not chipped. If your nails and cuticles are looking a little dry, rub some olive oil on them.

5) Smell Good: Your scent can make a guy remember you and keep thinking about you. First, wear an antiperspirant deodorant. Second, pick a fragrance. Wear just enough to make yourself smell better than the average girl out there (you aren’t average!). Your fragrance can be a body spray from a bath and body store or a perfume from a department store. If you can smell it from a step away, you are good. If you can smell it from four feet away, you have too much. Hint: Keep a travel size in your purse to freshen up.

6) Weight: We know this is a touchy subject. You can have a beautiful heart and a gorgeous smile but if you are very overweight, you need to take care of the one and only body that God has given you. Losing weight is as simple as making easy decisions over and over again. It is about the ratio of the calories you take in to the calories you burn. Eat less. Move more. Get others to do it with you. There are many, many great books written on this topic so we will not venture to cover it fully here.

When you feel attractive and pretty you will carry yourself with confidence and your actions will reflect this. Try it out for a week and notice the attention you receive!

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Appendix B - Great Get To Know You Questions:

Pick a few of the following questions that you like and stash the list in your purse.  If the conversation starts to get a little slow, excuse yourself to the bathroom and take a peek at your list to help get things going again.

What would your ideal Christmas look like 15 years from now?
What are your favorite family traditions?  What would you like have for traditions?
If you take a dream vacation for 2 weeks where and what you do?
What was your favorite meal as a child?
What were you most afraid of as a child?  What are you most afraid of now?
What were your top three adventures?
What would your former boss say about your performance?
What are the most important features in your dream house?
If you don’t have enough money to pay your bills what would you do?
What were your hobbies and games as a child?
How did/do you usually get in trouble?  How did you try to get out of trouble?
As a child what did you dream about doing when you "grew up"?  As a teenager. . .
Who are your top three heroes?  Why are your heroes?  What attributes/characteristics do they have that you would like to mimic?
What do you enjoy reading?  What do you enjoy watching on TV?
Who are the five most important people in your life right now?  Why are they so important?  How do you show someone they are important to you?
As you drive alone in your car what do you do? What do you listen to? What do you think about?  Would you rather be alone in the car or have someone with you?
If you have a day without any plans what do you do?  
What are three goals you would like to achieve within the next 3 years?  Three goals for the next 5 years?  
If you had $100 extra dollars right now what would you do with it at this moment?
As a child, if you could have asked God any questions, what would they have been?  As a teen?  Now?
What are three things you would like to experience before you die?
Who was your first crush?  What qualities attracted you to him/her?
When was the first time you understood what it was to die?  How did you respond?
If you could play one professional sport what would it be?  What product would you receive an endorsement contract for?
What do you think you will be doing at this exact moment 20 years from now?
If you were granted 3 wishes what would you wish for?
What 5 things would you put in a time capsule to represent you?
Is life more like the game LIFE, Sorry or Monopoly?
If a store clerk gave you too much change what would do you do?
Can you name two people who are a perfect couple?  What makes them a perfect couple?
If you could take me to breakfast to any place in the whole world where would you take me?  for lunch? for dinner?
If your house was on fire what 3 things would you take with you?

Practice these questions this week on anyone and see if you get to know some people in your life better.  Which questions worked the best for you?

They Eliminate Guys Too Quickly

Mistake 4
Jessica was approachable.  She was easy going, laughed a lot and made people around her feel great about themselves.  These qualities made her the kind of girl who was asked out frequently, but she rarely actually went on dates.  They may have been worthy guys, but she didn’t think she should go out with anyone that she wasn’t already attracted to.  Okay, let’s get more specific, if she didn’t think the guy had Abercrombie abs she wouldn’t go out with him.  Now, Jessica had a ridiculously high standard for physique, but that is not the only thing girls have crazy high standards for.  Some of you won’t go out with a guy who doesn’t drive the right kind of car or doesn’t appear to be spiritual enough.
It’s great that some of you girls have already set your standards high and aren’t willing to settle (at least for those things that aren’t superficial), but lighten up!  It’s just a date, not a marriage proposal!  Go somewhere and get to know someone new.  Take an opportunity to ask questions (see Appendix B for suggestions) and practice your listening skills. 
Here are some principles to follow:
  1. If you know that you know that you know that he is not someone who loves Jesus YOU CAN STILL GO ON ONE DATE.  It is great to be able to practice all these new skills (discussed in Chapter 11) you are working toward.  Even if this is not Mr. Right, the more you go out with new people, the more comfortable you will feel talking and laughing with new people.  One day when you meet your Mr. Amazing you won’t be tongue-tied and laughing awkwardly, because you’ve been out with new people so many times before.
  • The one exception to this rule is if you are attracted to this person or know you could be, say no.  Don’t set yourself up for temptation.  You will occasionally find yourself having great chemistry with someone who is not a follower of Christ and you need to use wisdom and stay away from this temptation.  “Don't become partners with those who reject God.  How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong?” (2 Corinthians 6:14, The Message)
  • If you are going out with someone you don’t know very well, meet him somewhere public, in the daytime.  Also, make sure you always tell family or friends who you are going with and where you are going.
  1. If he is follower of Christ, but you just aren’t attracted to him for whatever reason, give him AT LEAST two datesAgain, just look at it as great practice for your new conversation skills.  Often, girls are surprised that the guy they thought was a dud is really a stud!  Think about it this way, on the first date the guy is super nervous to be out with a girl as hot as you and will be awkward.  On the second date, he’s getting another chance to make a better impression.  If, after two dates, it is clear for you that this isn’t going to go anywhere, gently tell him this and move on.  In the meantime, you get some free coffee and maybe a meal or two and he gets to be seen with an amazing woman like you!  (On that note, if you are going on a date with a guy, let him pay.  Do not offer to pay.  After he treats you say, “Thank you so much for buying this great meal for me!”)
  • Please keep in mind that just because you go on more than one date with someone you are not committed to them!  If you keep a physical relationship out of it, it is perfectly acceptable for you to be dating more than one person at a time.  
Again, a date is not the rest of your life.  If someone other than an ax-murderer asks you out, say yes!  Listen, laugh, talk and have a great time getting to know someone new!
When was the last time someone who was not an ax-murderer asked you out and you said no?  Ask yourself what terrible thing would have happened if you had said yes?  That's right, nothing!  Keep practicing those smiles and be ready to say yes this week!