tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-46019242323904046512024-03-19T22:24:37.206-07:00Get More Dates... Have More Fun!!!<center>On a weekly basis we discuss common mistakes girls make either before they date someone or in the early stages of dating. Each week, we start with an example of the kind of girl we are talking about. We write from a Christian perspective, but the principles apply to everyone. Join us in our conversation. We'd love to hear if you think we're right on or out of our minds or if you just have a question!</center>Mary and Lesliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08601121254605813856noreply@blogger.comBlogger26125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4601924232390404651.post-16782719854357754992011-06-08T10:55:00.000-07:002011-06-10T00:19:46.595-07:00The Rubber Band Effect<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; margin-top: 0px;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixjkWpOZFGEqkijEV7q7gH94yaEygTnloNWDqmRwiW5XrqqBy2atK8n4xQNro4k-Bb__MC98ljOFQhBoo0tLHK6s_s5fqJ7wB0uRqDOJ1wOYAR5CiWPhezG-OwXDim1RQMUd4ppzkZBEAH/s1600/37726u41w2hzbrd.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="229" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixjkWpOZFGEqkijEV7q7gH94yaEygTnloNWDqmRwiW5XrqqBy2atK8n4xQNro4k-Bb__MC98ljOFQhBoo0tLHK6s_s5fqJ7wB0uRqDOJ1wOYAR5CiWPhezG-OwXDim1RQMUd4ppzkZBEAH/s320/37726u41w2hzbrd.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
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This weekend I spent some time with some friends of mine from college and we were laughing about funny (not all were funny at the time) dating adventures we'd had. Jo's story is great and I have to share it with you.<br />
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Jay had watched his friend Steve date Jo for a year. Jo is is petite with big beautiful, curly hair, matching big smile, and a spirit that makes whoever she is talking to feel like they are the most important person in the room. Lucky for Jay, Steve was crazy enough to let Jo get away. Of course, every guy came out of the woodwork trying to get her to go out with him. Jay played it slow and continued to be a good friend with her and ended up winning her heart. <br />
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Jay and Jo started dating when Jay was in his spring semester of his senior year of college. He was about to go off to seminary and that summer Jay and Jo would be working at neighboring camps. One day Jay made a comment about this only being a summer thing. Jo wanted no part of that. She was immediately done with Jay. Many of us girls would have cried with him or tried to talk him into committing long term or just continued dating him hoping he would change his mind, but not Jo. Even though she was heartbroken, she would not take his calls or see him. She even went out on dates with other guys. She did her best to get on with her life even though she cared so deeply for him.<br />
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By the next Christmas, Jay had realized what a huge mistake he had made and had begged her back. They continued dating long distance and it took a toll on their relationship. Jay sometimes spoke confidently to Jo that she was the one for him and then the next day would backpedal because he would get scared. <br />
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Jo had told Jay she did not want him to tell her that he loved her unless he was willing to say that her for the rest of his life and he understood and respected this. During this long distance phase of their relationship, Jo had gone to visit Jay and one night he told her that he loved her. Of course, they both knew what that meant and it was a very special night. UNTIL, the next day when he started backpedaling again. That was it. Jo was done. She would not have anymore of it. She told him to pull over the car. She got out and started walking to her girlfriend's house she was staying at. Jay asked her to get back in the car. She said no and continued on. He <i>told</i> her to get back in the car. She repeated her response. He yelled for her to get back in the car several times. She said firmly in her girly voice, "Jay Ferrill, you will not speak to me that way," and kept walking. She would not take his calls and booked a flight to fly out early the next day and went to stay with her brother. <br />
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Jo of course is heartbroken. But she also knows she can't be treated like this. She will have to move on with her life. For the next week he tries and tries to call, but she will not take his calls. Finally, he drives to her and begs her to let him talk to her. In the week they've been apart he has realized what a mistake he has made and has even called his mom for advice. He gave her a ring with a crown of thorns on it symbolizing Christ's sacrifice for us and he tells her that he wants live his life that way for her. She did take him back and before long they were married. Ten or so years later they have lived the adventure of following after Christ and have five sweet children.<br />
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I love this story. I love the courage Jo had to do what right and stand up for herself and not let herself be mistreated. She knew she could and probably would lose Jay both those times she walked away from him, but she also knew if he wasn't willing to chase after her, it was better to know then rather than find it out later.<br />
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James Dobson calls this the rubber band effect. When someone we really care about starts to pull away, we often will try to hold on to them tighter. All this does is cause the one being held onto to start pushing the other away. Sometimes the best thing you can do instead of holding onto too tight to someone is to pull back a bit and see if they will rubber band back to you. If they don't, you have your answer. It is always better to find out early on that someone is not right for you, rather than later. The less time you give to the wrong people the better!<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=2253</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4601924232390404651.post-34783209872067333572010-12-09T21:41:00.000-08:002010-12-09T21:41:44.265-08:00They Date Before They Are Ready for Marriage<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0Qo_Aij9xPvxyv2Z8IGLXqwyQ8Y8IbY3dZL2WQJdbFkr8Gtpzm8khnTenzUuFz2Xw3deSOxDjnyOqn7fsCfaBgl42JcEvj4UiTuwW0QPvLBtLc-1uJunOCdvexizrVMYanToKc8Zy7bD9/s1600/early2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0Qo_Aij9xPvxyv2Z8IGLXqwyQ8Y8IbY3dZL2WQJdbFkr8Gtpzm8khnTenzUuFz2Xw3deSOxDjnyOqn7fsCfaBgl42JcEvj4UiTuwW0QPvLBtLc-1uJunOCdvexizrVMYanToKc8Zy7bD9/s1600/early2.jpg" /></a></div><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><br />
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Mistake #19</span></b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 24px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">When she was a freshman in high school Anne fell head over heels in love with her dream man and the relationship progressed quickly. Before she knew it, sophomore year arrived and with the raging hormones it was hard to stop the kisses which led to touches which led to Anne giving her body and heart completely away to another 16 year old. The relationship became complicated and junior year, after many ups and downs, it ended. The heartbreak was overwhelming and it took several years for her to heal and move on. Anne and her boyfriend were both great people. They loved God, had great families and they were even great together. The only problem: The timing was wrong.</span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Many girls make this mistake. They fall in love long before they are able to get married and this, almost always, leads to heartbreak. The Bible says many times in the Song of Solomon, “Do not arouse or awaken love until it is ready.” </span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Here’s the guideline: Don’t start dating one-on-one until you could be married within the next two years. </span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">This does not mean you cannot hang out with guys before then – just don’t go out alone. You can enjoy a fun night with friends and a memorable Prom with a guy. Simply spend time with guys in groups. Play it safe. If you feel your heart being caught up when you are with a particular guy, do not spend as much time with him. </span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Many girls fear, “What if he’s my Mr. Right and I miss my opportunity because I followed this guideline?” If he is your Mr. Right and you are not within two years of being able to get married then know that he or someone much better will be there when the time is right! Promise. God has amazing plans for you and your life. Postponing dating will not get in the way of His plans.</span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">High school years are so much fun and your joy can be taken away by heartbreaking relationships. Protect yourself and have fun. Then, in a couple of years, when you are ready to find “Mr. Right” pick up this book and study! Meanwhile, pray for your future husband. </span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4601924232390404651.post-33595474201354217302010-11-23T14:11:00.000-08:002010-11-23T14:11:08.930-08:00They Throw the Principles Away in a Long Distance Relationship<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpu3n5enalz6ZYFnycn9Cp0BXs5ofwzS9cZ0eXJ6EpfIE-h1Q-wxV_gAlnDKqURFrxnpxNkrkHJvzTHkrA_cscznheQDl4rhDoitBqmxlwkJ-fnVa1Jp_ipxo2qDwT4bR-CmKZEc8gGTmv/s1600/distance2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpu3n5enalz6ZYFnycn9Cp0BXs5ofwzS9cZ0eXJ6EpfIE-h1Q-wxV_gAlnDKqURFrxnpxNkrkHJvzTHkrA_cscznheQDl4rhDoitBqmxlwkJ-fnVa1Jp_ipxo2qDwT4bR-CmKZEc8gGTmv/s400/distance2.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><br />
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Mistake #18</span></b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"></span></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">India had beautiful, thick, curly hair with big, warm, brown eyes. She made people feel special when she talked with them. She was an amazingly selfless person. She lived to help other people. She didn’t just care about people who were hurting, but she would do whatever she could to relieve their pain. Every other guy she met was in love with her.</span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">One summer she worked at a camp for underprivileged inner-city kids. It was this summer she met Matt. She loved how caring and gentle he was with the kids and how much he made her and everyone else laugh. They spent every free moment they could spare together. The summer together was great, and real life came back too quickly. They lived life in colleges 6 hours apart but decided they would make the best of it. They texted all throughout the day and would often talk for several hours at night. She loved getting to tell him all about her day each evening. It was not long before she would hear him typing or doing something else while they talked at night. Before she knew it, awkward silences filled their conversations. What was going on?</span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">India typically followed the principles we’ve introduced in the previous chapters, but found herself in exceptional situations. At camp, reality was suspended so the principles didn’t have to be applied, or so she thought! Once back in real life their relationship was long distance and she thought there was no way to follow the principles.</span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Girls often make these mistakes in long distance relationships.</span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><div style="text-align: justify;">1.<span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">She is too available. The guy has access to her any time of day.</span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><div style="text-align: justify;">2.<span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">He doesn’t have to ask her on a date. He has a standing appointment with her every night by default.</span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><div style="text-align: justify;">3.<span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">He doesn’t have to work to find out more about her. She lays it all out for him.</span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">We’re not saying long distance is easy. But you CANNOT throw the principles away JUST because you are far away from the guy!</span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">When things are long distance, remember these principles:</span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><div style="text-align: justify;">1.<span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Follow the mirror rule.</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"> Don’t respond any sooner or longer in regards to messages.</span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><div style="text-align: justify;">2.<span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Be Where You Are Principle.</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"> If he calls or texts while you are doing something or are with other people, get back with him later. Remember you are a woman in demand that has a lot going on; you are not available at his every whim. Let him wonder what you are doing and why you aren’t getting back with him right away.</span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><div style="text-align: justify;">3.<span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">He still has to ask for dates</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">. Don’t have conversations with him through the phone, Skype, or texting for more than ten minutes. Let him want more of you and have to actually ask to schedule time with you on the phone. It is very easy to say, “It’s been so much fun talking to you, but I have so much to do. You can call me again sometime.” When he complains that you have to go already, you can say, “I know, I’d love to go on a phone date with you so we can talk longer sometime, you just have to ask.” </span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><div style="text-align: justify;">4.<span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Be creative.</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"> As time goes on you can be creative with your dates. You can both look at the stars together or eat the same meal together while you Skype. Be creative and have fun with it! None of these ideas can compete with being together, but enjoy what you do have.</span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><div style="text-align: justify;">5.<span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Give him the appropriate amount of time</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">. If you are at an early stage, limit yourself to no more than two phone or Skype dates a week. Follow the same time allowances you would if you were in the same town dating. (Review our post from June called They Are Too Available.)</span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Long distance is not an excuse to let a guy have unlimited access to you. Even if you are long distance, you are still a woman with a full, fun life. Let him work hard to be part of that life instead of wondering how he can maneuver himself out of it!</span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4601924232390404651.post-64393163640269775542010-10-28T22:27:00.000-07:002010-11-14T16:17:01.726-08:00They Do Not Listen to Friends and Family<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrFV6fYKBIf4jUUbEm1QAe9qTkWgG1SLY68bZRXEOSoO2LY4VYhu4OHgneQ3XLrnEWrJ14ujjgj6n6Ues_uhMrIBk1UMlKzm66I6qY81nunqS1qzq-1NCUXYJF9FkvepRTZJMEWdPNdJw5/s1600/listening2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrFV6fYKBIf4jUUbEm1QAe9qTkWgG1SLY68bZRXEOSoO2LY4VYhu4OHgneQ3XLrnEWrJ14ujjgj6n6Ues_uhMrIBk1UMlKzm66I6qY81nunqS1qzq-1NCUXYJF9FkvepRTZJMEWdPNdJw5/s320/listening2.jpg" width="213" /></a></div><span style="line-height: 115%;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Mistake #17</span></b></span></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Isabel was a sweet and quiet girl, yet she was not shy. She wasn’t a flirt with every guy, but she knew how to flirt enough to get a guy's attention. She could take on any task and get it done well a day before the deadline. People admired her competence and quiet confidence. </span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Like so many girls the problem was not getting a man interested in her, but what happened after he was interested. In time it became clear to the people who loved Isabel that this was not the guy for her, but because she hardly hung out with these people without her boyfriend, they never had a chance to tell her what they were seeing. If they were bold enough to make an opportunity to warn her, Isabel was majorly offended. How could they say this about her boyfriend? What right did they have?! </span></div></div><div class="heading2"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', serif; font-size: 12pt;">Proverbs 15:22 (NIV) says, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” </span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The truth is we need to utilize our family and friends for the wisdom and life experience they have. We need friends who love and follow after God to help us to make wise decisions about who we continue to date and eventually marry. Girls often underutilize their families. Here are ways to take advantage of the wisdom you have in the people who care about you most:</span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><div style="text-align: justify;">·<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"> </span><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Spend time around other people together.</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"> If you decide to continue dating someone, it should not be uncommon for the two of you to hang out with other people including friends and family. This is a good opportunity for them to meet this person and later share with you what is great about this guy and what might be areas of concern. It is also helpful for you to see how he treats and interacts with other people. If he is dating you, he is likely treating you like royalty, but you want to see how he is with other people. As a side note, it is especially helpful to see him in a situation with people he can gain nothing from. How he treats “the least of these” (Matthew 25:40) such as the poor, young, old, socially awkward, etc. will tell you volumes about his character.</span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><div style="text-align: justify;">·<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"> </span><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Listen to happy couples</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">. If you have people in your life who are in good marriages, they are the perfect people to get feedback from on what they think about this guy.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><div style="text-align: justify;">·<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"> </span><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Listen to your parents.</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"> Your parents love you like no one else and have lived longer and seen more than you. You should take every bit of wisdom from them you can. We know that some of you have parents who have values you don’t agree with. We are not saying you are bound to do what they say (assuming you are an adult), but you do have to honor them by listening to them respectfully. After you have heard them, pray and ask God to reveal to you what is truth in what they have said.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Many people are hesitant to bring someone they are only casually dating around friends and family because of how their friends and family may behave. If this is the case, go to these people ahead of time and let them know that you value their opinion about the kind of man you should date and marry because they love and know you better than anyone else. This being the case, you need them to be casual and act like it is no big deal for you to bring a guy around. Why would it be, you are a woman in demand and go out with lots of different guys?!</span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4601924232390404651.post-25130987678151883792010-10-21T22:26:00.000-07:002010-11-09T23:21:00.594-08:00They Worry About What Other People Think<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgMc5YBZYV5nae4m7LjbE7Q4rHtYWs5CcU6rjmSDD9fD-YRj84Rb2_82KsXbRkyNooLL2g46pmLhMnspiXFYrxrLB6oUDOIW376XIDu9XdlpoUAGYoy4_TdoAeBwbFDj4Txdt5ecmX7xFQ/s1600/date2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgMc5YBZYV5nae4m7LjbE7Q4rHtYWs5CcU6rjmSDD9fD-YRj84Rb2_82KsXbRkyNooLL2g46pmLhMnspiXFYrxrLB6oUDOIW376XIDu9XdlpoUAGYoy4_TdoAeBwbFDj4Txdt5ecmX7xFQ/s1600/date2.jpg" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Mistake #16</span></b></span></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">As a personal trainer at a gym, Fatima gets attention from men. In the process of writing this blog she was part of a focus group where she commented, “The thing is, if you go on one date with a single guy who is part of our 5,000 member church, then soon people are asking ‘so, when is the wedding?’” The other girls agreed. They talked for a long time about how they feel like they have to KNOW they are interested in a guy before they go on a casual date because of the assumptions of the people around them. Their parents will be too excited, everyone will be questioning them and the other guys will consider them off the market. Enough excuses! Forget about what other people think. It’s not important. Here are your guidelines.</span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><div style="text-align: justify;">·<span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Get it right in your mind</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">. There is NOTHING wrong with a casual cup of coffee. There is NOTHING wrong with a guy buying you dinner. There is NOTHING wrong with accepting dates from 3 different guys over the same weekend! If you keep it casual and fun then there is NOTHING wrong with going on one, three even twelve dates with the same guy and deciding that you don’t want to further pursue a deeper relationship. This is a fun stage! Getting to know new people is exciting and great practice for the moment when Mr. Right finally comes around! Enjoy it!</span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><div style="text-align: justify;">·<span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Prepare your responses</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">. Now, you have to get ready for those crazy comments from the loving (and sometimes just nosey) audience members who feel the need to comment on every area of your intriguing and interesting life! When they offer advice just respond with a genuine smile and warm tone, “Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind.” And the truth is that the advice may be good. If they make a comment, with an insinuating tone, like, “I hear you are dating Mikey.” Just say, “Well, we had a casual cup of coffee (or a casual dinner) but it’s nothing serious.” Smile and move the conversation on. Play it cool and they will too! If they make condemning remarks just let it slide and forget about it. It’s not worth worrying about. </span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Remember: Just have fun!!! Forget about what other people are thinking. Forget about their comments. Enjoy this time! </span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4601924232390404651.post-23149776874194562292010-10-17T22:25:00.000-07:002010-10-17T22:25:00.253-07:00They Do Not Expect Respect<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRFe9okQRBPNFx1K3MKA3YZI9il28WEy6_8sSj5EE70i0VpZ7Ss9qmQcnB3cZ8JajPNwm3XqY4mU9wmVB4BadMMNonNW2kVAj6VKlXMb7rNqyZGHLkmvRi0CVYtn7BQ1UqRo5whhyphenhyphen8KKom/s1600/respect1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRFe9okQRBPNFx1K3MKA3YZI9il28WEy6_8sSj5EE70i0VpZ7Ss9qmQcnB3cZ8JajPNwm3XqY4mU9wmVB4BadMMNonNW2kVAj6VKlXMb7rNqyZGHLkmvRi0CVYtn7BQ1UqRo5whhyphenhyphen8KKom/s1600/respect1.jpg" /></a></div><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Mistake #15</span></b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="text-align: justify;">Mirabelle naturally related well to guys. She was rarely without a boyfriend and once she had a boyfriend she was all in. They spent most of their free time together and she seldom did things with just her girlfriends or the clubs she was involved in. If he wasn’t doing it, she wasn’t doing it. On top of that, she would put up with more and more lack of respect. Sometimes he said he was going to pick her up at 6 and did not show until 7:30. Other times he made plans with her, but when the guys planned something better he canceled. Sometimes he even went through doors first and did not hold the door for her. If they spent time together, she had to make the plans. </div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
Of course, there are deeper issues as to why a girl puts up with this treatment. Maybe this kind of behavior was what was modeled at home, or maybe she doesn’t think she can do any better. If this is you, we recommend you start a Bible study on who you are as a child of God. (See Appendix C.)</div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="text-align: justify;">Here are some practical things to do to gently demonstrate that you expect respect:</div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><div style="text-align: justify;">1.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><b>Be less available</b>. We discuss this in Chapter 2. If Mirabelle puts the principles in place that we talk about in Chapter 2, many of these issues will quickly be resolved.</div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><div style="text-align: justify;">2.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><b>Make new plans.</b> If it is 30 minutes after he was supposed to pick you up and he hasn’t called, make new plans and go do them. When he asks you about it, you can graciously (not sarcastically) explain that when he didn’t show up, you figured you had gotten the day wrong and had made new plans. If he tracks you down in your new plans and wants you to go on the date with him, stick with the new plans and say, “I’d love to hang out sometime but I’ve already made other plans!” You will rarely encounter this situation though if you are following the “Be Where You Are” principle explained in Chapter 2.</div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><div style="text-align: justify;">3.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><b>Drop him and move on.</b> If he drops plans with you for something that is less than once in a lifetime, you need to move on. He doesn’t really like you enough for you to waste your heart on him. It’s possible that time will pass and he will realize he has made a mistake. If that is the case, make him start at the beginning with you and win you all over again. In the meantime, you need to move on. For great ideas on how to get over him refer to Appendix A.</div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><div style="text-align: justify;">4.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><b>Let him serve you.</b> If you want a man who holds doors for you, you need to stop, wait and let him open it. Sit in the car and wait for him to come open your door for you. It won’t take him long to get out of the car and realize that you are still sitting in the car waiting for him to open your door. If something is heavy, ask him to carry it for you. If he offers to help you with something, let him. Men want to be a knight in shining armor and you want a gentleman, so give him the opportunity to act like one and let him be chivalrous. </div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><div style="text-align: justify;">5.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><b>Stop making plans</b>. If he wants to be with you, he will do something about it. He will pick up a phone and call, or he will stop by and see you and ask for a date. If he doesn’t do something to make plans with you, you can move on without letting your heart get any more involved with this person. </div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4601924232390404651.post-121671397633835102010-10-10T22:24:00.000-07:002010-10-10T23:33:19.305-07:00They Talk About the Future Too Soon<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-3jN8Lbn5mw_7Ui9w5XtvED1uGzezAlwpbYxUmt2_VCMIVt_qw-n0jPvR-KgXLblFl-Q27UkzfOpeYQeXeJGxkVVGUr0KIVs5sJyjKmFs8DsxY2d_JwJpzevT2cTvRw1-q24o4npsabw5/s1600/wedding23.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-3jN8Lbn5mw_7Ui9w5XtvED1uGzezAlwpbYxUmt2_VCMIVt_qw-n0jPvR-KgXLblFl-Q27UkzfOpeYQeXeJGxkVVGUr0KIVs5sJyjKmFs8DsxY2d_JwJpzevT2cTvRw1-q24o4npsabw5/s1600/wedding23.jpg" /></a></div><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><br />
</span></b><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Mistake #14</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Kate was a detail person. She liked to have everything planned out well in advance with several contingency plans. This was one of her greatest gifts. It served her well in school and her jobs. People knew they could trust her to do things right. When it came to dating, Kate also liked to have things nice and tidy. Once she finally decided she liked someone, she just about had the wedding date and reception seating arrangement planned. She wasn’t foolish enough to tell her crush this, but the thoughts were there. If she did end up dating someone, within a few weeks she couldn’t restrain herself from hinting about the future. Kate had it together and guys really liked her, but her relationships never lasted more than few months, because inadvertently, she made guys feel like they were getting their foot caught in a steel trap that wouldn’t let go.</span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Girls, I am not telling you not to think about the future. You can’t help but think about the future, especially if you are considering adding someone in particular to your future. What I am saying is don’t dwell on the future. Don’t camp out there. Don’t spend all your time with your girlfriends talking about it. Be intentional about occupying your mind with other things.</span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">There are two reasons for this:</span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><div style="text-align: justify;">·<span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span><b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Reason #1:</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> You set yourself up to be hurt by getting your heart set on a particular future prematurely. Obviously, there is a time to think about the future, but remember to wait for the right time. “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven. . .a time to embrace and a time to refrain, . . .a time to be silent and a time to speak,” (Ecclesiastes 3:1-7) If he is not bringing up the future, it’s not time yet. It’s fun to be wanted, so let yourself be pursued! Christ pursues his bride, the Church; let your Mr. Right pursue you.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><div style="text-align: justify;">·<span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span><b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Reason #2:</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> If you talk about the future before he is ready, you will scare him off. My dog loves to walk close to me, but the moment I put a leash on him he pulls to get off. He wants to walk next to me by his choice instead of feeling tied to me. I know I shouldn’t compare guys to dogs, but the reality is that it is easy for them to feel the walls closing in on them when a girl starts mentioning the future before he is ready. When the walls start closing in, guys will bail before they get trapped. </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">It is hard to stop planning for the future. Here are some tips to help.</span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><div style="text-align: justify;">1.<span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span><b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Take every thought captive.</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> It is a choice you make whether or not to dwell on those thoughts. When you find your mind wandering to the future prematurely, redirect your mind to something else. </span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><div style="text-align: justify;">2.<span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span><b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Meditate on a Bible verse</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">. Some of my best verse memory times have come from being intentional about not dwelling on something in particular.</span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt 0.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><b>3.<span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span></b><b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Refrain from talking about future specifics with him until you are engaged. </span></b></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt 1in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><div style="text-align: justify;">·<span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">If he brings it up, you may talk about your specific future as an individual and his specific future as an individual. </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt 0.5in; text-indent: 0.5in;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">For example: </span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt 1.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Courier New';">o<span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">“If I get married one day, I want to be able to work from home and stay with my kids.”</span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 12pt;"></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt 1.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Courier New';">o<span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">“When I have a family I want to take annual vacations.”</span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 12pt;"></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt 1.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Courier New';">o<span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">“I’ve always wanted to live in Europe.” </span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 12pt;"></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt 1in;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt 1in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><div style="text-align: justify;">·<span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">You may not talk about a shared future. </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt 0.5in; text-indent: 0.5in;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Don’t say:</span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt 1.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Courier New';">o<span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">“When we get married, I want to stay home with our babies.”</span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 12pt;"></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt 1.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Courier New';">o<span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">“I can’t wait to go on family vacations with you every summer.”</span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 12pt;"></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt 1.5in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Courier New';">o<span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">“We should go to Europe and scope out the perfect location for our dream home.” </span><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Enjoy getting to know someone and being pursued. You can’t enjoy the present if you are consumed with the future.</span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4601924232390404651.post-52016845665035439302010-10-03T21:12:00.000-07:002010-10-03T21:12:54.419-07:00They Commit Too Soon<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyj5fPEhmQ-h7cNh34eO7XvV5cekKy8USqGEVbyJ3R4yHJybyLMQgVby13FNfLqfOGrbbijHtP3YhIpjIqsGN4pUy9-2J-2liKHFl7ay_soc1M0EMQJBdmmNdi4hOCzwdyvM53ZfrUBMzA/s1600/lock2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyj5fPEhmQ-h7cNh34eO7XvV5cekKy8USqGEVbyJ3R4yHJybyLMQgVby13FNfLqfOGrbbijHtP3YhIpjIqsGN4pUy9-2J-2liKHFl7ay_soc1M0EMQJBdmmNdi4hOCzwdyvM53ZfrUBMzA/s1600/lock2.jpg" /></a></div><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Mistake #13</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">As the president of her sorority, Claire was a gorgeous girl who had plenty of attention from guys. She was caring, always wore a smile and because of this everyone considered her a friend. Once she met a guy she liked, she was all his. They hung out every day, talked on the phone until they were about to fall asleep at night and he was all she could talk and think about. Soon, they had the Define The Relationship (DTR) talk when they decided that they were going to date exclusively. After a few months (or a couple of years) they decided that one no longer felt the same way about the other and they split up with broken hearts. Why were so many hearts broken in Claire’s life? She committed to relationships too soon!</span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">This is such a common mistake. You meet the man of your dreams and want to get to know him and you want him to know you. You say “Yes” to all of his invitations because you have so much fun with him and the attention he gives you feels so good! You become emotionally attached to him quickly because you share so many of your hopes and dreams with him. Our mentor, Mark Robinson who has served as Collegiate Minister to thousands of college students, called it Serial Monogamy. Girls move from one very serious relationship to another. Christian girls are particularly prone to this mistake because they don’t want to give any piece of their heart away to a guy that they might not marry. So they convince themselves that this may be Mr. Right! And they let their guards down. Here are some guidelines to follow to avoid making this mistake:</span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt 0.75in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><div style="text-align: justify;">·<span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span><b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Slow down.</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> Have fun!!! Take your time getting to know him. You don’t need to rush. Don’t be quick to define the relationship. Just enjoy the carefree, fun time that come with dating casually! </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt 0.75in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><div style="text-align: justify;">·<span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span><b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Be slow to reveal you heart.</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> Study the They Reveal Too Much Too Soon post. These are some of the best guidelines in this blog. Remember: if he just happens to be the guy you choose to marry, then you have the rest of your lives to get to know each other! You don’t have to do it in the first week.</span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt 0.75in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><div style="text-align: justify;">·<span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span><b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Do not spend too much time with him.</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> Remember, you are a busy girl in high demand by so many interesting people! You have a busy schedule filled with enriching activities! You have time in your schedule to hang out once in awhile but you won’t clear your schedule to fit him in. Remember, be a challenge. </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt 1.25in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Courier New';">o<span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span><b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">First Month</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">: You should see him no more than twice per week.</span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 12pt;"></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt 1.25in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Courier New';">o<span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span><b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Second and Third Month</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">: You should not hang out with him more than three times per week.</span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 12pt;"></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt 1.25in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Courier New';">o<span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span><b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Fourth month and beyond</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">: After the third month, if you are still very interested in him, your family and friends are in agreement (see Mistake 17) and if HE BRINGS IT UP FIRST, defining the relationship as exclusive is acceptable. (Note: If he really likes you he will WANT to define the relationship. You should never, ever, ever bring this topic up. Defining the relationship is a way for him to tell other guys to keep their hands off of you. If he doesn’t want to define the relationship, he is keeping his options open. Therefore, you need to keep your options open as well.) Please, enter an exclusive relationship with extreme caution. After you are exclusive do not see him more than 4 day per week.</span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt 1.25in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Courier New';">o<span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span></span><b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Engagement:</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> After you are engaged, you may see him up to 5 days per week. We recommend never seeing him more than 5 days per week until you are married. You need a few days apart from each other to be able to evaluate the relationship clearly, keep up your relationships with your friends and family and maintain your identity as an individual. He needs to marry you to have complete and unlimited access to you.</span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 12pt;"></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt 0.75in; text-indent: -0.25in;"><div style="text-align: justify;">·<span style="font: 7pt 'Times New Roman';"> </span><b><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Use caution when getting physical!</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> Again, be a challenge. Keep in mind, if people see you holding hands they will assume you are together and you will be considered off of the market. Other guys will not approach you. By withholding touch you have the power in the relationship. He will always wonder, “Will she let me hold her hand tonight? Should I make my move?” Absolutely no kissing before you are exclusive. As we discussed in the They Kiss Too Soon entry, kissing leads to commitment by default. You want to make the decision to enter into an exclusive relationship with a clear head. You don’t want your emotions, resulting from your physical relationship, to cloud this huge decision. </span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Remember: Have a great time without the pressure and limitations of a relationship. The stage of casual dating is really fun! Enjoy it!</span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4601924232390404651.post-3957053128927962012010-09-13T22:00:00.000-07:002010-09-29T21:53:29.996-07:00They Kiss Too Early<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjx0uIjxyT1tgz1ded7xqj_BDtk8ShWBu7CtEcyRMXTdKNHzykF5VB7W1TP1vLkBkdZApFIHfNVr6XtG5ckWRgEulwj0Qd44JTWtc0_rud7qTvefY-4pg5fZ2xVr8sMDHEWgxgsNvle_Omx/s1600/kissing5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="195" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjx0uIjxyT1tgz1ded7xqj_BDtk8ShWBu7CtEcyRMXTdKNHzykF5VB7W1TP1vLkBkdZApFIHfNVr6XtG5ckWRgEulwj0Qd44JTWtc0_rud7qTvefY-4pg5fZ2xVr8sMDHEWgxgsNvle_Omx/s400/kissing5.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<center><b><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Mistake #12</span></span></b></center><center><br />
</center><center>Ella was a girl with high standards when it came to guys. In fact, she didn’t date much at all. It wasn’t that she wasn’t attractive or nice. She just knew what she wanted in a man and had decided she wasn’t going to settle for less. Then Jordan came along, he was super cute, way fun and very flirty and he wasn’t afraid to pursue Ella. Ella found this very flattering and fun. At first, she had no problem turning him down, because she knew that Jordan wasn’t the kind of man she wanted to marry. However, as time went on, Ella started to think that it might be fun just to kiss him. There wouldn’t be anything wrong with that as long as she made it clear to Jordan this wasn’t going anywhere. They were just going to have fun. Before she knew it, Ella found herself heartbroken that she was going to have to break up with Jordan, someone she never even wanted to date in the first place.</center><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">In college, my group of friends had something we called NCL, or Non-Committal Lip. Basically, the thought was that we could make out with someone just for fun and it wouldn’t mean anything the next day. In theory, this sounded great, but it never worked out this simply. Did I mention never? Literally, never! Many times NCL make-out sessions led to relationships my friends never wanted and later ended in unnecessary heartbreak.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">I’m not just talking about NCL here. I’m also talking about kissing or other physical affection whether it is someone you are casual with or someone you are interested in having a future with. Here are the cold, hard facts, girls:</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">• Fact #1: Our hearts, minds and bodies are not separate entities unaffected by one another. When we start kissing or snuggling someone, we start caring about them differently than before. We have shared an intimacy with that person. When you kiss someone you are creating a connection.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">• Fact #2: Kissing makes us feel committed to someone. Internally, we all just seem to know that it is not okay to be physical with more than one person at a time. With that in mind; once we kiss someone, we innately know we shouldn‘t kiss anyone else until that physical relationship has been severed. Therefore, if you don’t want to be committed to a guy or you just don’t want to be committed yet, DON'T KISS HIM.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">• Fact #3: Kissing is foreplay to sex. I never realized this until after I got married. Knowing this explains why once you start kissing it is so hard to stop yourself from going further. You aren’t designed to stop at just kissing. You are designed to consummate what you have started.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">To quote my hero Paul, “And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” (Romans 12:1-2 NLT)</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Before you start kissing someone, ask yourself two questions:</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">1. Am I ready to commit to this person?</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">2. Is this pleasing to God, or am I just trying to satisfy my flesh?</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Here is another reason to limit yourself to one alcoholic beverage. More alcohol makes you too comfortable and equals loose lips. You are more likely to reveal too much (as we discussed in the last chapter) and you kiss too much.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4601924232390404651.post-80104165304137487162010-09-05T22:00:00.000-07:002010-09-29T22:01:24.074-07:00They Reveal Too Much Too Soon<div style="text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnSaY2MfcpVu1jZ_8lq2fqnBONxApQIGCvO3cafMlkofrnjsn8zACbqYtlGMKkrDEdv0lgijMUfVZibavRUQo6q7JSd1el7F7i1oI7UIanUj_9oa4GfV9xe6sGsLA30TWEqq0bkzoFQKHT/s1600/talking2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnSaY2MfcpVu1jZ_8lq2fqnBONxApQIGCvO3cafMlkofrnjsn8zACbqYtlGMKkrDEdv0lgijMUfVZibavRUQo6q7JSd1el7F7i1oI7UIanUj_9oa4GfV9xe6sGsLA30TWEqq0bkzoFQKHT/s1600/talking2.jpg" /></a></div></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><b>Mistake #11</b></span></div><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">My friend Jennifer is known for her long-winded stories. She will talk and talk and talk and give every single detail to her audience. She is entertaining and guys are drawn to her, so she is asked out on many dates. However, after the first few dates, Jennifer felt completely in love with Mr. Amazing and Mr. Amazing had suddenly lost interest in her. Why? She always revealed too much, too soon. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">We have seen too many girls reveal their entire life stories complete with their hopes and dreams (and chosen baby names!) during their first conversation with an eligible bachelor. At the end of her monologue, the guy typically thinks to himself, “Thank you, Lord, for letting that conversation be OVER.” </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Men enjoy a challenge. They are internally wired by God to enjoy competition. They love sports, video games, war movies and wrestling matches. Even men who do not obviously follow this stereotype can be found competing with others over who works the hardest, tells the funniest jokes or who has the longest nose hair. And then there are the guys who simply compete against themselves. This love of a challenge does not disappear when men enter the dating realm. It intensifies. So be a challenge for him. Don’t hand him your heart on a platter. Instead make him dig for pieces of you over a long period of time. Many sweet, caring and very OPEN girls have had their hearts broken by revealing too much about themselves too soon in the relationship. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">I always followed one basic biblical principle when being pursued by a man. “Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourself. Don’t think only about your own affairs, but be interested in others, too, and what they are doing.” (Philippians 2:2-4, NLT) Here is how to practically apply this principle in the context of dating.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">• On Dates: Make it your goal to find out as much information as you can about him without revealing much about yourself! Go to the date with an arsenal full of questions that you can ask him. (See Appendix B for ideas.) If you don’t think you will be able to remember all of the questions then write them down and keep them in your purse to look over when you go to the restroom. When he asks you a question, answer it with an honest, SHORT answer and ask him another question. Really LISTEN to the answers he gives and ask more questions about his response. As he talks, nod your head, smile and make eye contact so that he knows you are interested and that you want to know who he truly is. At the end of the date you want him to be thinking, “Wow, she’s amazing! She even showed interest in my love for Star Trek! But, wait, I don’t know anything about her. I’ll call her tomorrow to find out more!” (Note: If you are over 21, we recommend you drink ONLY ONE alcoholic beverage per date. Alcohol can make you comfortable. More than one drink can make you TOO comfortable revealing your deepest darkest secrets, your most embarrassing moments, and your hopes and dreams about a beautiful future with him and your seven children all on the first date. If you don't believe us, watch The Bachelor.) </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">• On the Phone or Skype: Screen your cell phone calls. Do not answer the phone or text him if you are with other people. Enjoy your friends and family and the event you are at instead of entering into a conversation with him. If you are not busy, keep your phone conversations down to 10 minutes or less. This will keep you from revealing too much too soon and he will soon figure out that he needs to ask you on a date if he wants to spend quality time getting to know you. The same principles apply during phone conversations. Ask more questions than he asks. Answer his questions with honest, short and cute answers. If he leaves a message, only return calls if he specifically asks you to call him back. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">• Email, Texting, IM-ing: This can be very dangerous. As women we often feel very free to express ourselves when we are sitting in front of a keyboard. We start typing and suddenly we have typed a 10 page email that is humorous, emotional and perfectly describes everything we are feeling and thinking, but it is way too revealing. Use the Mirror Rule in all of these cases. If he sends a 5 line e-mail, respond with a 5 line or less email. If he sends a 10 word text to you, don’t exceed 10 words when you respond. Use these communication modes to your advantage. Be witty and playful in your responses. Follow the 10 minute rule with texting and IM-ing conversations. You are a busy, in demand woman. He needs to ask for a date to spend some significant time getting to know you. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Remember, your goal is to be an intriguing mystery he wants to solve. Always leave him wanting more at the end of every date, phone call, email or text.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4601924232390404651.post-49254613830390498612010-09-04T21:37:00.000-07:002010-09-29T22:01:43.972-07:00Not Being Mrs. Right for their Mr. Right<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div style="text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPhD_MnfQnOTlEpeh_mH7zCqaJvOJus9mxvLQJvGU-pvg5GqtujVj9FCkdTsUPXTzKE9-X1ZouTJC47hLDFybB54Dtyh9DIepsfLxN2RJn3TF9vURXUIsV0MWS5mEhq-dKb3Db_cwuexav/s1600/opposites2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPhD_MnfQnOTlEpeh_mH7zCqaJvOJus9mxvLQJvGU-pvg5GqtujVj9FCkdTsUPXTzKE9-X1ZouTJC47hLDFybB54Dtyh9DIepsfLxN2RJn3TF9vURXUIsV0MWS5mEhq-dKb3Db_cwuexav/s1600/opposites2.jpg" /></a></div></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><b>Mistake #10</b></span></div><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">Jim was one of those college friends who never really seemed to go to college, although it was rumored that he had in the past. He seemed to bounce from one job to another. Each one for some reason or another just didn’t “fully tap into his talent and potential.” Therefore, after a short time he would have to let his employer go. In fact, the majority of the time he didn’t have a job, but he did have a well-worn place in front of the TV. He was average height with round glasses and a matching round figure. He was not ugly, but he was in no way trying to take care of himself. Jim was fairly fun to hang around, but at times would say things just to be annoying. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">One day the conversation came up regarding what each of us was looking for in a mate. He explained that he wanted a girl who was smart, driven, pretty, and athletic. Okay, just absorb that. He wanted someone who was driven, pretty, and athletic. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Obviously, he was never going to attract that kind of girl, because any girl like that wasn’t looking for someone like Jim.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Now, I am finished picking on my guy friend, but as girls we need to take a look in the mirror. We do this all the time. For example, we want someone who is totally in love with Jesus, yet we are only half-heartedly seeking after Him. What do you want in a guy? Really, think about it. Look at your list from the last chapter. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Okay, now that you have your Mr. Right in mind, what kind of girl do you think he wants? Seriously, take time to stop and think about this. What is your Mr. Right looking for in a woman? Write it down.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Now that you’ve got in your mind what he wants, ask yourself if you are the kind of woman he is looking for.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">If you are not the kind of woman your Mr. Right is looking for, you have two options:</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Option #1 - Figure out who your Mr. Right is looking for and become that woman. Live up to the standard you have set so you can have the man you have spent your life dreaming of, instead of all the Mr. Wrongs you’ve been attracting. Maybe you want a man who is going be actively involved in his church with his family, but you’ve been hit or miss with church for the last two years. It is time for you to commit and serve. It’s easy to not be intentional, and before you know it you have become a person you never wanted to be and are living a life you never wanted to live. Be the woman God intended you to be! </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Option #2 - Change what you are looking for. Maybe as you looked at what your dream man would be looking for, you realized you will never be that. That’s okay. If you’ve had an idea about a rugged outdoorsman, but you can’t stand mosquitoes and frizzy hair, it’s time to let go of that dream. Don’t try to become someone God didn’t intend you to be.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Guys all around you are dreaming about their Mrs. Right. Don’t just pray for your Mr. Right to come along. Also, be the Mrs. Right your Mr. Right is looking for.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4601924232390404651.post-52061034897788918222010-08-15T22:59:00.000-07:002010-09-29T21:51:24.260-07:00They Date the Wrong Guy Over and Over<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAki2H2TDvihCQHHjPy9Jww3HNph_NyNA8EmPoz2UhyEXyb8_aHiJiIzoyq6543amr-rnDfaKUW7_B2u7dgYScRNCO21QIIwPvDIBmTik71O2XZmPEm2IonwuESQmTbrjARDVmptPzZIvK/s1600/wrong+guy2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAki2H2TDvihCQHHjPy9Jww3HNph_NyNA8EmPoz2UhyEXyb8_aHiJiIzoyq6543amr-rnDfaKUW7_B2u7dgYScRNCO21QIIwPvDIBmTik71O2XZmPEm2IonwuESQmTbrjARDVmptPzZIvK/s1600/wrong+guy2.jpg" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Mistake #9</span></div><br />
<div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: justify;">Julie was a mess. AGAIN. Her roommate Heidi had to hear about it. AGAIN. Julie appeared to be a confident girl who attracted a lot of attention from the male population. However, she was always getting into relationships with guys who were hot, fun and bold but who ended up being controlling, manipulative and prideful. </div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: justify;">Most of us make this mistake over and over. We end up having a “type” of guy that we are attracted to and easily fall for. The Manly Man. The Jock. The Sensitive Boy. The Romantic. The Ultra-Christian. Here’s the deal. The first impression is not always accurate. The Manly Man tends to hurt our feelings with his words and actions. The Romantic easily gives his heart away and takes it back just as quickly. The Ultra-Christian doesn’t always end up being the strongest Christian in the bunch. Many times, it is the guy in the background, serving, who is the quality “marrying-type”. However, because we are so drawn to “Mr. Popularity” we miss the amazing guys on the sidelines. </div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: justify;">We stand by our policy: Give every Christian guy two dates. Open your eyes and look around at all of the different types. Give each guy a chance. Learn from each of life’s experiences. This way, when Mr. Right comes along you will know that the qualities he holds are the exact qualities you need in a man. </div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: justify;">1. Learn from your mistakes. We all make mistakes. Our job is to learn from our past mistakes and change our behavior and choices in the future. </div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: justify;">2. Make a list. Get a little notebook. Get your favorite pen. Now start thinking about your past relationships. What did you like about the guy? What qualities drove you nuts? Look at your best friends. What qualities do you admire in them and what makes them your most trusted friends? What habits do they have that make you crazy? What about your siblings? Parents? Write these down. </div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: justify;">3. Look for a Pattern. You should start to see a pattern develop in your list. Most of your closest friends have personality traits in common. Many of the bad habits that get on your nerves are the same. </div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: justify;">4. Start a New List. On another page start to write a list of the qualities and personality traits you would like your Mr. Right to have. (Note: You may be blind to the qualities you need in a mate. Call those who know and love you best and ask them what attributes they think you seek.)</div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: justify;">5. Select the Non-Negotiables. There are some characteristics that are non-negotiable. For example, on my list I knew that the man I married had to have a growing relationship with Jesus, be honest and stand up for what is right. These items (and a few others) were underlined on my list.</div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: justify;">6. Use Your List. After your second date with a guy pull out the list. Use a pencil and go down the characteristics you have listed. Check off each characteristic he has and leave a blank next to the ones he does not have or has not proven to you yet. If you still want to date him, then after a few more dates go back to your list. If he is missing the mark on a bunch of your likes, you need to go to a friend or a wise woman in your life who you admire and trust and openly discuss your concerns. Ask her if you are being too sensitive or picky or if this is just not a good match. Be willing to accept her advice. If he is hitting the mark… Have fun! Keep dating him! But keep it casual so that if you realize a month or two months into dating that he is not the man of your dreams as you look at your list, then the relationship won’t end in heartbreak! </div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: justify;">The only way to avoid dating Mr. Wrong over and over is to give different kinds of guys a chance. Go out with all kinds of guys. Say yes to more dates.</div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4601924232390404651.post-46015120129276573492010-08-08T08:58:00.000-07:002010-08-08T08:58:29.006-07:00Appendix C: Who Am I in Christ? StudyWho Am I in Christ?<br />
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<div style="text-align: left;">I am the salt of the earth. Matthew 5:13</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I am the light of the world. Matthew 5:14</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I am a child of God. John 1:12</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I am a part of the true vine, a channel of Christ’s love. John 15:1 and 15</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I am Christ’s friend. John 15:15</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I am chosen and appointed. John 15:16</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I am a slave of righteousness. Romans 6:18</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I am enslaved to God. Romans 6:22</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I am a daughter of God; God is my Father. Romans 8:14-15; Galations 3:26; 4:6</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I am a joint heir with Christ, sharing His inheritance with Him. Rom. 8:7</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I am a temple – a dwelling place – of God. His Spirit and life dwell in me. 1 Cor. 3:16; 1 Cor. 6:19</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I am united with the Lord and am one in spirit with Him. 1 Cor. 6:17</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I am a member of Christ’s body. 1 Cor. 12:27; Eph. 5:30</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I am a new creation. 2 Cor. 5:17</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">By the grace of God, I am what I am. 1 Cor. 15:10</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I am a daughter of God and one in Christ. Gal. 4:6-7</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I am an heir of God since I am a daughter of God. Gal. 4: 6-7</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I am a saint. Eph. 1:1; 1 Cor. 1:2; Phil. 1:1; Col. 1:2</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I am God’s workmanship. His handiwork – born anew in Christ to do His work. Eph. 2:10</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I am a fellow citizen with the rest of God’s family. Eph. 2:19</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I am a prisoner of Christ. Eph. 3:1; 4:1</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I am righteous and holy. Eph. 4:21</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I am a citizen of heaven. Phil 3:20; Eph. 2:6</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I am hidden with Christ in God. Col. 3:3</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I am an expression of the life of Christ because He is in my life. Col. 3:4</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I am chosen by God , holy and dearly loved. Col. 3:12; 1 Thes. 1:4</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I am a daughter of light and not of darkness. 1 Thes. 5:5</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I am holy and have a heavenly calling. Heb. 3:1</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I am a partaker of Christ; I share in His life. Heb. 3:14</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I am being built up in Christ as a spiritual house. 1 Pet. 2:5</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I am God’s possession. 1 Pet. 2:9-10</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I am a stranger to this world in which I temporarily live. 1 Pet. 2:11</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I am an enemy of the devil. 1 Pet. 5:8</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I am a child of God and I will resemble Christ when He returns. 1 John 3:1-2</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I am born of God, and the devil cannot touch me. 1 John 5:18</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">“No person can consistently behave in a way that’s inconsistent with the way he perceives himself. Because you are in Christ, every one of those characteristics is completely true of you, and there’s nothing you can do to make them more true. But you can make these traits more meaningful and productive in your life by simply choosing to believe what god has said about you. One of the greatest ways to help yourself grow into maturity in Christ is to continually remind yourself who you are in Him. I suggest that you go back and read it aloud to yourself right now. Read the list once or twice a day for a week or two.” – Neil Anderson Victory Over the Darkness</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
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</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4601924232390404651.post-53039629103035726952010-08-08T08:56:00.000-07:002010-08-08T08:56:42.760-07:00They Do Not Carry Themselves with Confidence<div style="text-align: left;">Mistake 8</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Daneasha was an intellectual, friendly pre-med student with a contagious laugh. She had a round figure and everyone who knew her loved her. Yet, when she walked around campus she often looked down or to the side. We had a talk with her and coached her in walking with confidence. She argued with us saying that she was a confident girl and didn’t need our coaching. After a few days she reconsidered and started applying our tips and techniques. Within the first day, she started realizing that guys were checking her out, they were making eye contact with her and they even started opening doors for her every time she went in a building! The way she carried herself changed the way guys treated her!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Many of you believe you are confident women, and maybe you are. You are confident in Christ. Your identity is in Him! But as you walk you don’t portray confidence. Here is how you change this:</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">· Walk upright. While you are walking notice how you carry yourself or ask a friend to observe you. Do you walk with your head up, shoulders back and your back straight? If not, start now.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">· Notice what is going on around you. I was coaching a friend on her college campus. As we walked I said, “Wow, Meg, that guy on the bike was totally checking you out!” She responded, “What guy?” I could not believe it! A very attractive guy had to get off of the sidewalk on his bike to give us space. As he did he almost flipped off of his bike because he was totally checking her out. Yet, adorable Megan did not even notice. The lesson: Be in the moment! Notice the people you are passing. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">· Make friendly eye contact. Again, eye contact shows that you are a confident, approachable person. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">· Smile at people. After you get great at making eye contact, start smiling at people along the way. Practice in front of the mirror and then on your friends. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">· Walk with a purpose – this portrays great confidence. Even if you have no place to be, walk like you know where you are going and you have important people waiting for you there. But while you walk remember to make friendly eye contact. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Many of you are reading this thinking, “I don’t feel confident.” </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">· First, your confidence needs to be found in Christ. Get a friend to do a Bible study with you about who you are in Christ. It will be fun and worthwhile for both of you. (See Appendix C for help with this.)</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">· Here’s a general principle: If you want to change the way you feel about things, change your actions first. Start walking with confidence and follow the other guidelines above and you’ll start to feel confident. Change the way you feel by acting on it first. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Remember: You are an amazing woman! Walk like one! </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4601924232390404651.post-37823831046112745972010-07-31T17:34:00.000-07:002010-09-29T22:57:50.722-07:00They Do Not Know How to Flirt<div style="text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbcrb1Yix9Q3M5btR5W7cy0SkB_H_biIFoYbAzZ2zmLmkjljcJu2jpjZW1KF0JGMJF8djqGyAxP2KU50CcBtFoXcDkTdXfh_gfhJetJSiFmBUAZTQ6R1BclYLTSDM3dWQVOBTrB7AylLmg/s1600/flirt2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbcrb1Yix9Q3M5btR5W7cy0SkB_H_biIFoYbAzZ2zmLmkjljcJu2jpjZW1KF0JGMJF8djqGyAxP2KU50CcBtFoXcDkTdXfh_gfhJetJSiFmBUAZTQ6R1BclYLTSDM3dWQVOBTrB7AylLmg/s1600/flirt2.jpg" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><strong><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Mistake #7</span></strong></div></div><div style="text-align: left;"></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: justify;">Charis had a lean athletic body, from years of competing in triathlons. She was around guys and the guys noticed her. They checked her out all the time! Did she notice? No! When she did make eye contact with a guy she would naturally look down and immediately start talking with her friends. She was always surrounded by many fun girlfriends! When a guy would approach her she would answer his questions with short answers, smile and laugh nervously. She had so much attention but not many dates. Why? She didn’t know how to flirt.</div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: justify;">For some reason, flirting often has negative connotations in the Christian culture. However, I assure you that Eve flirted with Adam… I mean, how else do we exist?! This is part of being approachable and will often give him that extra boost of courage he needs to ask you on a date. I (Leslie) was a flirting professional, in fact, in college Mary had to have an intervention with me to help me tone down my unintentional flirting! Here are some of my tips for healthy flirting:</div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><strong>1) Be aware. </strong>They are checking YOU out! You are a female… The guys are aware of you! Look around the room. You’re sure to find a few guys looking at you! As you practice the guidelines in this book you will definitely notice the cuties paying even more attention to you.</div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><strong>2) Be near him.</strong> Let him notice you and notice you repeatedly. Do not approach him, but make sure you are in his line of vision. If you are at coffee shop or restaurant, make an excuse to walk by his table. Proximity is the number one factor in attraction.</div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><strong>3) Make eye contact and smile.</strong> Practice this on everyone. It is common courtesy. When you make eye contact with someone do not look away immediately. Hold their eye contact for 2-3 seconds and smile. </div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><strong>4) Look back and smile.</strong> After the initial eye contact, look at something else for two seconds and then look back and hold his gaze for another 2-3 seconds while smiling. Be brave moment: After holding his gaze for the second time, end it with a wink.</div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><strong>5) LISTEN to them.</strong> Ask more questions than you answer. People love for others to find them interesting and guys love an intriguing girl! At the end of your conversation he should know very little about you and you should know plenty about him. Look at Appendix B for question ideas.</div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><strong>6) Use light, appropriate touch.</strong> When he has said something funny, laugh lightly and briefly touch his arm or shoulder. Touch is very powerful. Use it to be fun and flirty. Never touch his legs… Touching his legs can be too powerful. </div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><strong>7) Use his name 2 or 3 times within the conversation.</strong> People love to hear their own name. It makes them feel as if they mean something to you because you remember their name. Use his name in a playful and flirty way. When he makes a joke, giggle and say, “Oh, Trey, you are so funny.” Or when you ask a question say, “Brad, where did you grow up?” </div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: justify;">Other flirting techniques are found throughout this book. Study the guidelines. Apply the guidelines. Put the book down right now and schedule a time with some friends to help each other practice these flirting techniques. Flirting is really about being open, friendly, and playful. Have fun!!!</div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div></div><div style="text-align: justify;">So... Do you relate to this?!? Is this a mistake you make? Please, let us know! Apply these guidelines this week and let us know what happens! Please!!! Let us know!</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4601924232390404651.post-34823959601071813702010-07-31T17:29:00.000-07:002010-07-31T17:36:19.902-07:00They Are Always in a Girl Pack<div style="text-align: left;"><strong>Mistake 6</strong></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Megan and Caitlin have been best friends for years. They are adorable, hilarious and intelligent. They know so many people and are involved in countless activities in their community. They do everything together and with all of their girlfriends. If they go out to eat, they are with eleven other girls. People are naturally drawn to both Megan and Caitlin. In fact, if you were to observe them at a party you would see the guys at the party checking them out! They have everything going for them; yet, neither of them has been on a date in years! Why? They are constantly in a Girl Pack. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">We love our girlfriends! We love to be around people who know us, love us, know how to make us laugh and listen to us when we cry. Naturally, when we are going about our everyday lives we want our girlfriends around. So, we travel in Girl Packs! When attractive, interested guys see us traveling in our Girl Packs, they typically run away in fear. Even the most confident guy will not approach a girl at a party when she is standing in a close knit circle with her girlfriends - talk about intimidating! He doesn’t want to face that level of embarrassment if there is a possibility of you rejecting him in front of twenty other girls. Oh, and by the way, you and one other friend are still considered a Girl Pack. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Staying in a Girl Pack is a bad habit. But leaving the Pack for the first time is a little scary! Here are some steps to becoming an independent girl. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;"><strong>1) Start by going to the restroom alone. </strong></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Don’t go straight for the restroom. Take the long route. Walk with a purpose but as you walk observe everything that is going on around you. Look around the room and make eye contact with people. Smile at them. A confident, courageous girl goes alone!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;"><strong>2) When you get thirsty go to get a drink alone.</strong> </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">A guy who finds you attractive is much more likely to approach you when you are alone. Go to the drink stand, get a drink and hang out for awhile taking small sips. Smile with your eyes and casually look around the room. Again, make eye contact with people and SMILE! After a few minutes you can go and find your friends again.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;"><strong>3) Never stay in a girl pack for more than 10 minutes at a time at any mixed social function. </strong></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">After 10 minutes find someone else to talk to or casually take a walk around the room. As you are walking, enjoy yourself. And, once more, make eye contact (for at least two long seconds) with other people and SMILE! </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">You can apply these steps at any large or small group event, on the college campus, in a restaurant, at a dance, at church… Basically, anywhere. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">(Sidenote: We understand that you are girls who love people and have a heart for people. Please do not misunderstand our hearts. We want you to fully focus on your friends and family and the people you are interacting with. However, you need to leave your comfort zones and meet new people. Be bold and step away from the group of girls you are always around.) </div><div style="text-align: left;"> </div><div style="text-align: left;">We want your comments! Tell us if this relates to you... If you notice yourself making this mistake... If you are totally against this idea! We want to hear from you!!!</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4601924232390404651.post-62131232441046226492010-07-19T10:01:00.000-07:002010-07-19T10:01:29.285-07:00They Do Not Care About Their Appearance<div style="text-align: left;">Mistake 5</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Rachel is the typical college student. She’s attractive, a member of a top sorority and very intelligent. Everyone loves her sense of humor and she is full of interesting stories and anecdotes. She has traveled extensively and has a ton of girlfriends but guys don’t pay much attention to her. Why? She wears her “comfy” clothes to class and around campus all day. She doesn’t wear make-up. Why should she? She believes that a guy should like her for who she is, not how she looks. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Let’s face it. Love is NOT blind. In a dream world a guy would look past your big hoodie sweatshirt covering your fave sorority social tee and see just your beautiful heart at first sight. However, this doesn’t happen. Guys are very visual and dressing attractively is just a simple way to show that you care about yourself. You can still be low maintenance and look fantastic! Here are a few tips:</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">1) Clothing: You don’t have to spend a lot of money on clothing or be trendy to make yourself look great! Find a friend who has a sense of style you like and have her look at your wardrobe and help you put together 7-10 rockin’ outfits that make you feel confident. Wear clean, unwrinkled clothing that flatters your figure! </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">2) Accessories: A pair of hot jeans and a white or black fitted tee can look adorable and attractive when you pair a dangly pair of earrings, a cute necklace and a fun handbag with it. You don’t have to own 56 pairs of shoes but pick a couple of sassy pairs that will go with anything. Accessories are the frosting on the cake… They get the attention. Again, if you are not confident, ask a friend.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">3) Make-up: Make-up is amazing!!! Always apply a little. You don’t have to wear a mask of make-up but you can use it to accentuate your strong features and hide the blemishes. Find a friend who does a great job with her make-up and ask for some tips. Go with a friend to the make-up counter at the local department store and ask for a makeover. This can be a fun trip and you can learn a lot. You should own a good concealer to hide the blemishes, blush to define your cheeks, mascara to bring out your glam lashes and lip gloss to highlight your pouty lips.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">4) Nails: It doesn’t matter if your nails are long or short. They just need to be well-groomed. If you wear toeless shoes or flip-flops, your feet should look good. Pay for a pedicure. Then you can maintain your feet with some exfoliating scrub, a good pumice stone and nail polish. Keep your fingernails clean and file them so they are not chipped. If your nails and cuticles are looking a little dry, rub some olive oil on them.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">5) Smell Good: Your scent can make a guy remember you and keep thinking about you. First, wear an antiperspirant deodorant. Second, pick a fragrance. Wear just enough to make yourself smell better than the average girl out there (you aren’t average!). Your fragrance can be a body spray from a bath and body store or a perfume from a department store. If you can smell it from a step away, you are good. If you can smell it from four feet away, you have too much. Hint: Keep a travel size in your purse to freshen up.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">6) Weight: We know this is a touchy subject. You can have a beautiful heart and a gorgeous smile but if you are very overweight, you need to take care of the one and only body that God has given you. Losing weight is as simple as making easy decisions over and over again. It is about the ratio of the calories you take in to the calories you burn. Eat less. Move more. Get others to do it with you. There are many, many great books written on this topic so we will not venture to cover it fully here.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">When you feel attractive and pretty you will carry yourself with confidence and your actions will reflect this. Try it out for a week and notice the attention you receive! </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4601924232390404651.post-42146675893755498332010-07-11T16:11:00.000-07:002010-07-11T16:12:55.789-07:00Appendix B - Great Get To Know You Questions:<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande'; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 11px;">Pick a few of the following questions that you like and stash the list in your purse. If the conversation starts to get a little slow, excuse yourself to the bathroom and take a peek at your list to help get things going again.</span></span><br />
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<div style="font: 11.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 10.0px 0.0px; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="font: 11.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 10.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">What would your ideal Christmas look like 15 years from now?</span></div><div style="font: 11.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 10.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">What are your favorite family traditions? What would you like have for traditions?</span></div><div style="font: 11.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 10.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">If you take a dream vacation for 2 weeks where and what you do?</span></div><div style="font: 11.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 10.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">What was your favorite meal as a child?</span></div><div style="font: 11.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 10.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">What were you most afraid of as a child? What are you most afraid of now?</span></div><div style="font: 11.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 10.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">What were your top three adventures?</span></div><div style="font: 11.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 10.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">What would your former boss say about your performance?<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span></div><div style="font: 11.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 10.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">What are the most important features in your dream house?</span></div><div style="font: 11.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 10.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">If you don’t have enough money to pay your bills what would you do?</span></div><div style="font: 11.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 10.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">What were your hobbies and games as a child?</span></div><div style="font: 11.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 10.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">How did/do you usually get in trouble? How did you try to get out of trouble?</span></div><div style="font: 11.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 10.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">As a child what did you dream about doing when you "grew up"? As a teenager. . .</span></div><div style="font: 11.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 10.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Who are your top three heroes? Why are your heroes? What attributes/characteristics do they have that you would like to mimic?</span></div><div style="font: 11.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 10.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">What do you enjoy reading? What do you enjoy watching on TV?</span></div><div style="font: 11.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 10.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Who are the five most important people in your life right now? Why are they so important? How do you show someone they are important to you?</span></div><div style="font: 11.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 10.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">As you drive alone in your car what do you do? What do you listen to? What do you think about? Would you rather be alone in the car or have someone with you?</span></div><div style="font: 11.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 10.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">If you have a day without any plans what do you do? </span></div><div style="font: 11.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 10.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">What are three goals you would like to achieve within the next 3 years? Three goals for the next 5 years? </span></div><div style="font: 11.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 10.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">If you had $100 extra dollars right now what would you do with it at this moment?</span></div><div style="font: 11.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 10.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">As a child, if you could have asked God any questions, what would they have been? As a teen? Now?</span></div><div style="font: 11.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 10.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">What are three things you would like to experience before you die?</span></div><div style="font: 11.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 10.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Who was your first crush? What qualities attracted you to him/her?</span></div><div style="font: 11.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 10.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">When was the first time you understood what it was to die? How did you respond?</span></div><div style="font: 11.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 10.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">If you could play one professional sport what would it be? What product would you receive an endorsement contract for?</span></div><div style="font: 11.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 10.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">What do you think you will be doing at this exact moment 20 years from now?</span></div><div style="font: 11.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 10.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">If you were granted 3 wishes what would you wish for?</span></div><div style="font: 11.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 10.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">What 5 things would you put in a time capsule to represent you?</span></div><div style="font: 11.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 10.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Is life more like the game LIFE, Sorry or Monopoly?</span></div><div style="font: 11.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 10.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">If a store clerk gave you too much change what would do you do?</span></div><div style="font: 11.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 10.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Can you name two people who are a perfect couple? What makes them a perfect couple?</span></div><div style="font: 11.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 10.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">If you could take me to breakfast to any place in the whole world where would you take me? for lunch? for dinner?</span></div><div style="font: 11.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 10.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">If your house was on fire what 3 things would you take with you?</span><br />
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Practice these questions this week on anyone and see if you get to know some people in your life better. Which questions worked the best for you?</div><div><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><br />
</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4601924232390404651.post-65241957174079572682010-07-11T16:05:00.000-07:002010-07-11T20:11:21.360-07:00They Eliminate Guys Too Quickly<div style="font: 12.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: center;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Mistake 4</span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 15.0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 10.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Jessica was approachable. She was easy going, laughed a lot and made people around her feel great about themselves. These qualities made her the kind of girl who was asked out frequently, but she rarely actually went on dates. They may have been worthy guys, but she didn’t think she should go out with anyone that she wasn’t already attracted to. Okay, let’s get more specific, if she didn’t think the guy had Abercrombie abs she wouldn’t go out with him. Now, Jessica had a ridiculously high standard for physique, but that is not the only thing girls have crazy high standards for. Some of you won’t go out with a guy who doesn’t drive the right kind of car or doesn’t appear to be spiritual enough.</span></span></span></div></div><div style="font: 12.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 10.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">It’s great that some of you girls have already set your standards high and aren’t willing to settle (at least for those things that aren’t superficial), but lighten up! It’s just a date, not a marriage proposal! Go somewhere and get to know someone new. Take an opportunity to ask questions (see Appendix B for suggestions) and practice your listening skills. </span></span></span></div></div><div style="font: 12.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 10.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Here are some principles to follow:</span></span></span></div></div><ol style="list-style-type: decimal;"><li style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal 'Lucida Grande'; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">If you know that you know that you know that he is not someone who loves Jesus YOU CAN STILL GO ON ONE DATE</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> It is great to be able to practice all these new skills (discussed in Chapter 11) you are working toward. Even if this is not Mr. Right, the more you go out with new people, the more comfortable you will feel talking and laughing with new people. One day when you meet your Mr. Amazing you won’t be tongue-tied and laughing awkwardly, because you’ve been out with new people so many times before.</span></span></span></li>
</ol><ul><li style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal 'Lucida Grande'; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Symbol; letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The one exception to this rule is if you are attracted to this person or know you could be, say no. Don’t set yourself up for temptation. You will occasionally find yourself having great chemistry with someone who is not a follower of Christ and you need to use wisdom and stay away from this temptation. “Don't become partners with those who reject God. How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong?” (2 Corinthians 6:14, The Message)</span></span></span></li>
<li style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal 'Lucida Grande'; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Symbol; letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">If you are going out with someone you don’t know very well, meet him somewhere public, in the daytime. Also, make sure you always tell family or friends who you are going with and where you are going.</span></span></span></li>
</ul><ol style="list-style-type: decimal;"><li style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal 'Lucida Grande'; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">If he is follower of Christ, but you just aren’t attracted to him for whatever reason, give him AT LEAST two dates</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Again, just look at it as great practice for your new conversation skills. Often, girls are surprised that the guy they thought was a dud is really a stud! Think about it this way, on the first date the guy is super nervous to be out with a girl as hot as you and will be awkward. On the second date, he’s getting another chance to make a better impression. If, after two dates, it is clear for you that this isn’t going to go anywhere, gently tell him this and move on. In the meantime, you get some free coffee and maybe a meal or two and he gets to be seen with an amazing woman like you! (On that note, if you are going on a date with a guy, let him pay. Do not offer to pay. After he treats you say, “Thank you so much for buying this great meal for me!”)</span></span></span></li>
</ol><ul><li style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal 'Lucida Grande'; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Symbol; letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Please keep in mind that just because you go on more than one date with someone you are not committed to them! If you keep a physical relationship out of it, it is perfectly acceptable for you to be dating more than one person at a time. </span></span></span></li>
</ul><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal 'Lucida Grande'; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 15px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px 'Lucida Grande'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 10.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Again, a date is not the rest of your life. If someone other than an ax-murderer asks you out, say yes! Listen, laugh, talk and have a great time getting to know someone new!</span></span></span></div></div><div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">When was the last time someone who was not an ax-murderer asked you out and you said no? Ask yourself what terrible thing would have happened if you had said yes? That's right, nothing! Keep practicing those smiles and be ready to say yes this week!</span></span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4601924232390404651.post-89133615502833198992010-06-20T17:57:00.000-07:002010-06-20T17:57:06.808-07:00They Are Too Friend-y<div style="text-align: left;"><strong>Mistake 3</strong></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Molly was petite, artsy and loved to dance. She was the person who made each party great. She had tons of friends and loved life. She was constantly surrounded by guys, but had never been asked on a date! Why? Because she is too friend-y! She sends off friend vibes to all of the guys!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Most of you have guy friends. You have convinced yourself that you are not attracted to your guy friends and that you would never date him. You’re lying to yourself! If your best guy friend started singing a love song to you and then confessed his undying love - you might just melt! You have convinced yourself that you LIKE having a million guy friends who come to you for advice on what to get their girlfriends for Valentine’s Day! You’re lying to yourself!!! You want to be the one who has a date this year for Valentine’s Day! Though you love having friends, you would LOVE a date! </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">These habits are hard to change but here are some guidelines to help you:</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">1) Practice all of these guidelines in this book on all of the guys (friends, crushes and store clerks) in your life. Dress cute. Be approachable. Be flirty. Be fun! Study this book and live it!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">2) You have plenty of fun girlfriends! You don’t need more guy friends. Make the guys talk to other girls about how excited they are to take you on a date and get you the perfect birthday gift! Make the guys talk to the other girls who are the “perpetual friend” about how he is planning the sweetest proposal to put the perfect diamond on YOUR finger! Every guy in your life is potentially Mr. Amazing - treat them like it! </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">3) DO NOT BE FRIENDS after breaking up. It is impossible to be “just friends” with a guy when you’ve been emotionally attached within recent history. (If you dated him in elementary or middle school you can be friends!) You are bound to relive past emotions and end up allowing the same guy back into your heart. When you end a relationship with a guy, do not say, “I just want to be friends.” This misleads guys to believe they still have a chance with you. Just say, “This relationship is not going to go any further.” Or as one women commented, “Just tell to go jump off a cliff!”</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Remember: You don’t want more friends. You want a husband! </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div>Challenge: Begin to practice the principles from the previous chapter with your guy friends. See if anything changes. <br />
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Questions: <br />
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Have you been applying the challenges each of the past weeks? If so, what are your experiences? If not, why not?!? <br />
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Do you have any questions, comments or concerns about this chapter?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4601924232390404651.post-58103897674697850212010-06-14T08:14:00.000-07:002010-06-14T08:14:58.914-07:00They Are Too Available<div style="text-align: center;">*<strong>The best comment on the blog each week will receive a $5 Starbuck gift card!</strong> So, let us know how the challenges are going for you or if you have comments! Congratulations to Lilly, the winner of the Best Comment of the Week last week. Send me your mailing address and I will put your gift card in the mail today!*</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Mistake 2</div><br />
<div style="text-align: left;">Sophie thought she found Mr. Right and they became best friends. Mr. Right was Ryan and they had been hanging out almost daily for two years. She was always there for him. If he needed anything, she took care of it. She was his biggest fan, yet she could gently tell him the truth. He called her every night and they talked for hours. They shared lots of witty emails back and forth. She was the kind of girl he wanted to share his life with, but why didn’t he seem to want anything more? </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Quite simply, Sophie was too available. She just wasn’t a challenge for Ryan. Men are hunters. They want to feel that they’ve caught something that is hard to get. I’m not saying we need to play games, but I am saying that we need to leave guys wanting more. Have you ever eaten so much of your favorite chocolate cake that you thought, “I don’t even want to think about chocolate cake for while!”? But if you just have a few bites of that yummy chocolate cake, you still want more the rest of the day.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">If you exercise a little self-control, you will get to enjoy being pursued, and he will get to enjoy chasing after you. A man may say he doesn’t want to have to pursue a woman. He is lazy and he is not your Mr. Right.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Here are some guidelines that will help you to leave him wanting more:</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">• Phone: When you talk on the phone, only talk for ten minutes. This will prevent you from revealing too much too soon as we will discuss in chapter 11. Then let him know you’ve enjoyed talking with him, but you’ve got something to do. This is not a lie. There is always something to do whether it is homework, laundry, exercise, prayer, etc. By telling him that you enjoyed talking with him, you are letting him know that you are not rejecting him. This will give him the courage to call again. When ending a call say, “It’s been great talking to you, but I totally have to have go! I’d love to talk again soon!” Remember: TEN MINUTES MAX!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">• Cell phone: If he calls while you are in the middle of something or with other people, CALL HIM BACK LATER! We call this the Be Where You Are Principle. I understand that for some of you this may be extremely difficult, but show some consideration to your present company by giving them your undivided attention. If you don’t take his call, it will just be another opportunity for him to see that you are an interesting and popular person. When you do talk on the phone with him, remember TEN MINUTES MAX!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">• Text Messaging: If he texts you and it warrants a response, wait at least an half an hour or longer to text him back. This will give you time to think about what you are going to say. As girls we love to go on and on, when many times we need to zip it. If he takes several hours to respond to you, then you take at least that long to respond to him (use Mirror Rule in chapter 11: respond no sooner or lengthier than he does). Remember, you are a fun person with plenty going on. You don’t just sit around all day waiting to text back and forth with him. Remember, be where you are and let him desire more of you. When you do have a text conversation with him, limit it to 10 minutes. He needs to ask you for a date to spend more time communicating with you.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">• Spending time with him: He needs to ask you out at least two days in advance for a date. You are an interesting woman with exciting things going on in your life. If you are willing to go out at the drop of a hat, you will not communicate that to him. If he does ask with less than two days’ notice, let him know that you would really love to go out sometime, but you have something to do. Again, this is true. You have Bible study to do, friends to catch up with and shopping to get done, just to name a few. Also, by telling him that you would love to go on a date sometime, you encourage him to ask again. He’ll just learn that next time he need to asks with more notice. Here’s what to say (in sweet, sugary voice), “Ohhh, I’d love to, but I can’t! I have other plans, please ask again sometime.”</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">• Email: Follow his lead in the length of the message and how quickly you reply. First, wait at least until the next day to respond. Give yourself time to think about what you want to say. “Be quick to listen, slow to speak.” (James 1:19 NLT) Second, if you are emailing back and forth and it takes two days for him to respond, you need to take at least two days to answer back. Also, keep your responses shorter than his email. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">• Facebook, MySpace, Etc.: The same rules that apply to email apply here. Take time to think about what you want to say. Be lighthearted and witty. If he wants to know the deeper parts of you, let him pursue you to be able to see that side of you. It is all about the Mirror Rule!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Remember, communication is much more than what you say. Often it is what you don’t say. You don’t want to appear more interested than him or he’ll think he has you. Let him see that you are a fascinating person who lots of people enjoy being around. When you are immediately available to him, you are communicating that you have nothing going on. If you have nothing going on, you are probably not very interesting. Always keep the Mirror Rule in mind and it will be much easier to keep him captivated. Let him be the hunter so he can enjoy a bit of a chase while you enjoyed being pursued. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;"><strong>*Challenge: Follow the "Be Where You Are Principle" this week. When you are with a friend or family member or in a meeting do not pay attention to your phone. After the meeting or time with your friend, when you are alone, check your phone for texts, emails, facebook messages, etc... And use your alone time to return the calls, texts, etc... Give the person you are with your undivided attention. </strong></div><div style="text-align: left;"><strong></strong> </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4601924232390404651.post-74874809714511335022010-06-06T20:36:00.000-07:002010-06-12T09:35:33.867-07:00Mistake 1: They Are Not Approachable<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "Lucida Grande"; font-size: xx-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 9px;"></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "Lucida Grande"; font-size: xx-small;"></span><br />
<div style="font: 12px "Lucida Grande"; margin: 0px 0px 10px; text-align: center;"><div align="left"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">*** <strong><span style="font-size: x-small;">Each week we will send a $5 Starbucks Gift Card to the best comment on that week's blog!!!***</span></strong></span></div><div align="left"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">(Voting will be done by Mary and Leslie who like to see both funny and serious comments and stories of how this mistake has impacted relationships in the past or how you did with this week's challenge or comments on stuff we can add to the chapter to make it better! Can't wait to hear what you have to say!) </span></div><div align="left"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Men are welcome to comment as well. Anyone can win the prize. </span></div><div align="left"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Winner will be announced on Sunday with the posting of that week's blog!</span></div><br />
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<span style="font-size: small; letter-spacing: 0px;">Mistake 1</span></div><div style="font: 18px "Lucida Grande"; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">They Are Not Approachable</span></div><div style="font: 12px "Lucida Grande"; margin: 0px 0px 10px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div align="left" style="font-family: "Lucida Grande"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 10px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Cally had loose, surfer curls and a 100 watt smile. She was bubbly and enthusiastic about everything. She was a leader in a large ministry on a huge college campus and, as such, she was always in front of a lot of people. Therefore, plenty of guys noticed her. She carried herself with confidence and she took the time to look great before she left her house each day! She loved people, loved Jesus and would love to love a boy. However, throughout her college career she was never asked out on one date! Why? She was totally unapproachable. </span></div><div style="font-family: "Lucida Grande"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 10px; text-align: left;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Here’s the truth. Guys like a challenge, but they only want to enter into a challenge that think they can possibly win. They need to know that they will not be rejected on the spot if they approach you. So, you need to be approachable. Most girls think they are approachable but they continuously give off “stay away” signals. Without even realizing it, they are rejecting guys right and left. Now is the time to change those habits! Here are the guidelines:</span></div><ol style="list-style-type: decimal;"><li style="font-family: "Lucida Grande"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 10px;"><br />
<div style="text-align: left;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b>Go where the guys are.</b> No guy will approach you if you aren’t where he is. We are fed up with hearing the excuse, “there are no available guys.” Fifty-one percent of the population is male. There is no reason you can’t find a way to be around eligible guys. If you aren’t regularly around available men, find them. Stay committed to your church, but go to a midweek service at the church where there are lots of singles. Men eat; they are in grocery stores, restaurants and coffee shops. They go to books stores, gyms, sporting events; the list goes on and on. Get some friends, go to new places and practice the techniques you are about to learn. If you still feel as if you cannot find any good guys, then try an online dating service. There are a few services out there that do a fantastic job evaluating its members and connecting them with others who are a great match. Use these as a tool to meet lots of new people and enjoy new places! Try <a href="http://www.eharmony.com/"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px; text-decoration: underline;">www.eHarmony.com</span></a>, which is known as a true match-making service and not just a dating service.</span></div></li>
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<div style="text-align: left;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b>Do not wear rings on your ring fingers. </b>If a man sees a ring on your ring finger he will probably assume you are engaged or married. If he thinks you are in a committed relationship, chances are that Mr. Right will not approach you. Make it a habit to wear rings only on your other nine digits.</span></div></li>
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<div style="text-align: left;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b>Leave the girl pack.</b> Chapter 6 is devoted to this. Read it. Study it. DO IT!!! This will change your life.</span></div></li>
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<div style="text-align: left;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b>Make eye contact. </b> When you make casual eye contact with a guy DO NOT LOOK AWAY! Instead, hold his gaze for several seconds. (Count to two slowly in your mind.) Then offer a sweet smile. This may feel awkward at first but you will get used to it. Guys and girls alike will start to perceive you as more friendly and approachable. You can practice on girls too – you’re not giving “come hither” eyes. You are just being friendly! </span></div></li>
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<div style="text-align: left;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b>The Casual “Hi”.</b> If you make eye contact with a guy you have met before, smile and say, “Hi.” Then move on quickly. Don’t slow down as you say “Hi” and don’t drop the eye contact either. You should make eye contact before and maintain eye contact after the “Hi.” By doing this you have communicated, “I’m friendly and I’m open.”</span></div></li>
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<div style="text-align: left;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b>Be aware of your non-verbal cues. </b></span></div></li>
</ol><ol style="list-style-type: decimal;"><div style="text-align: left;"></div><ul><li style="font-family: "Lucida Grande"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 10px;"><br />
<div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">When you are in a group setting do not stand face to face with a friend. Instead, stand shoulder to shoulder and look around the room as you talk. This says that you are open to other conversations. </span></div></li>
<li style="font-family: "Lucida Grande"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 10px;"><br />
<div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Do not stand with your arms crossed. This is the universal sign that says “I am a closed person… Unwilling to be friends or talk! Do not approach.”</span></div></li>
<li style="font-family: "Lucida Grande"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 10px;"><br />
<div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Put your phone away! One emergency text is fine, but if you are with other people, don’t be engaged with your phone. If you feel the need to hold something, bring a bottle of water with you.</span></div></li>
<li style="font-family: "Lucida Grande"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 10px;"><br />
<div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">When you are in a group setting, if you spend more than 5-10 minutes with one guy, other guys will notice and will assume you are together. This is a sure way to get NO dates. Ever! Guys will not approach you if you appear to be with another guy. As Jason B. Illian (<a href="http://www.crosswalk.com/singles/11621171/"><span style="text-decoration: underline;">www.crosswalk.com/singles/11621171/</span></a>) puts it, “Most of us want to get a phone number, not a black eye!” </span></div></li>
<li style="font-family: "Lucida Grande"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 10px;"><br />
<div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Have fun! Laugh with your friends! Guys notice the most fun girls in the room and fun girls are approachable. They also notice the obnoxious ones; don’t be one of those girls.</span></div></li>
</ul><div style="text-align: left;"></div></ol><div style="font-family: "Lucida Grande"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 10px; text-align: left;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Pay attention to the way you treat people around you. Pay attention to the people you like the most and the people who are most attractive and approachable. What do they do that makes people like them? Imitate these approachable moves! Soon, you’ll have all kinds of guys asking for your number.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 10px;"><strong><span style="font-size: x-small;"></span></strong><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><strong>Challenge: Make eye contact with everyone this week. When you are speaking with someone hold eye contact the entire time. When you make eye contact with a stranger (either male or female) hold it for two seconds and smile. Make it your goal to be the last person to break eye contact for the entire week. You are learning to be friendly with everyone and this will translate to "approachable" to cute boys! After making eye contact this week please let us know how it goes!!!</strong></span></span></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4601924232390404651.post-692180236938049542010-06-06T20:35:00.000-07:002010-06-12T09:36:28.597-07:00Introduction***We are so committed to our promise to get you more dates that we have driven around Gulf Breeze, Florida for 30 minutes searching for a strong, unsecured wi-fi connection at 10:30 on a Sunday night! We are sitting outside someone's house... And we are loading these chapters. This week is special. We are giving you two chapters. Here they are... Please let us know what you think!***<br />
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<div style="font: 18px "Lucida Grande"; margin: 0px 0px 10px; text-align: center;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Introduction</span></div><div style="font-family: "Lucida Grande"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 10px; text-align: left;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Those of us who follow Christ know that we are created for something great, much greater than wealth, popularity, family, friends, beauty, etc. We are created to lift God up, show the world how great He is and make His name famous where He is unknown. We also know that most of us were not created to do this alone in life, nor do we want to! We want to share this crazy adventure of following after Christ with wild abandon with someone who challenges, inspires and wants us.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Lucida Grande"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 10px; text-align: left;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">So how do we go about finding this person who will partner with us in life? It’s not easy for anyone, and it is especially difficult in the Christian world. Over the past decade or so a number of books have been written about finding your God-loving man in today’s world through courtship. While we have no commentary or criticism for this philosophy, that’s not what this book is about. There are other routes that can be followed to find your husband as well, such as arranged marriages, but we don’t live in India so that is not what we are writing about either! We have found that in the United States and increasingly around the world, singles operate in cultures of neither courtship nor arranged marriages but dating. And this leads to the question that so many singles don’t even know that they need to ask: HOW do you navigate dating SUCCESSFULLY (meaning minimizing heartache while finding your Mr. Right) in a way that demonstrates your love for God?</span></div><div style="font-family: "Lucida Grande"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 10px; text-align: left;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Leslie and I have navigated these waters ourselves. We both followed the principles that we will be sharing with you to varying degrees. We did some things right and some things wrong. We learned a great deal from ladies older and wiser than ourselves and learned just as much watching our friends as they made these mistakes. After having hundreds of conversations with women just like you, we were tired of hearing ourselves talk and decided to write it down. (We are fully convinced these principles are good and effective, however if you choose not to follow them we in no way believe you are in sin.) Our hope is that through the wisdom we’ve learned and will share with you, you will enjoy this single time in your life by meeting lots of people, going on lots of dates and avoiding unnecessary heartbreak.* </span></div><div style="font-family: "Lucida Grande"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 10px; text-align: left;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Get some girlfriends together to read this book with you (it will be much easier and more enjoyable to learn and follow these principles if you do it with other people) and join us as we discuss the mistakes girls make and learn how to navigate the dating waters with confidence, success and fun!</span></div><div style="font-family: "Lucida Grande"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 10px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Lucida Grande"; letter-spacing: 0px;">*</span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Please know that there is no way to find a husband without risk. Some people think entering into an arranged marriage is risk free. Yet, even in arranged marriages things can fall through before the wedding and there is disappointment. Some people think they will never have heartbreak if they go the route of courtship. While we are not discouraging courtship, please know that many people in courtships get their hearts broken and sometimes the collateral damage to families in failed courtships is even greater than in failed dating relationships.</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4601924232390404651.post-45976897124765945782010-06-04T20:08:00.000-07:002010-06-04T20:08:11.518-07:00Get Ready...Hey Fun Girls! <br />
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This Sunday will be our first Get More Dates... Have More Fun challenge! Our book is complete and we cannot wait to share it with you chapter by chapter! Sunday we will post the first two chapters to get you going. We will follow each chapter with a challenge and a question. It should be fun and you should see results! Invite anyone you know who is single and would like more dates. <br />
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See you Sunday! Let the fun times begin!!!<br />
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Mary and LeslieUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4601924232390404651.post-70573132925306200452010-05-02T12:16:00.000-07:002010-05-02T12:16:16.262-07:00More Dates... More FunHey Girls! <br />
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I am excited to see that you are getting your "More Dates... More Fun" groups together! Mary and I have had a few girls like yourselves read the book and they are in the process of giving their comments to us. We decided that we wanted to give you the best product possible so we want to make all of the edits before giving it to you. So, we are going to start the actual "More Dates... More Fun" challenge on Sunday, June 6th. So, get your friends to sign up as followers and get ready!!! You are going to have a fun summer filled with building your flirting skills, improving your communication with guys and, ultimately, attracting MORE DATES! :) <br />
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If you have any questions, please feel free to post them... Or if you have an example of a situation that you need advice about post it. Between now and June 6th we will offer advice and fun stories about girls who are applying the principles in our book. :) Can't wait!!!<br />
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LeslieUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0