Saturday, September 4, 2010

Not Being Mrs. Right for their Mr. Right

Mistake #10

Jim was one of those college friends who never really seemed to go to college, although it was rumored that he had in the past. He seemed to bounce from one job to another. Each one for some reason or another just didn’t “fully tap into his talent and potential.” Therefore, after a short time he would have to let his employer go. In fact, the majority of the time he didn’t have a job, but he did have a well-worn place in front of the TV. He was average height with round glasses and a matching round figure. He was not ugly, but he was in no way trying to take care of himself. Jim was fairly fun to hang around, but at times would say things just to be annoying.

One day the conversation came up regarding what each of us was looking for in a mate. He explained that he wanted a girl who was smart, driven, pretty, and athletic. Okay, just absorb that. He wanted someone who was driven, pretty, and athletic. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Obviously, he was never going to attract that kind of girl, because any girl like that wasn’t looking for someone like Jim.

Now, I am finished picking on my guy friend, but as girls we need to take a look in the mirror. We do this all the time. For example, we want someone who is totally in love with Jesus, yet we are only half-heartedly seeking after Him. What do you want in a guy? Really, think about it. Look at your list from the last chapter.

Okay, now that you have your Mr. Right in mind, what kind of girl do you think he wants? Seriously, take time to stop and think about this. What is your Mr. Right looking for in a woman? Write it down.

Now that you’ve got in your mind what he wants, ask yourself if you are the kind of woman he is looking for.

If you are not the kind of woman your Mr. Right is looking for, you have two options:

Option #1 - Figure out who your Mr. Right is looking for and become that woman. Live up to the standard you have set so you can have the man you have spent your life dreaming of, instead of all the Mr. Wrongs you’ve been attracting. Maybe you want a man who is going be actively involved in his church with his family, but you’ve been hit or miss with church for the last two years. It is time for you to commit and serve. It’s easy to not be intentional, and before you know it you have become a person you never wanted to be and are living a life you never wanted to live. Be the woman God intended you to be!

Option #2 - Change what you are looking for. Maybe as you looked at what your dream man would be looking for, you realized you will never be that. That’s okay. If you’ve had an idea about a rugged outdoorsman, but you can’t stand mosquitoes and frizzy hair, it’s time to let go of that dream. Don’t try to become someone God didn’t intend you to be.

Guys all around you are dreaming about their Mrs. Right. Don’t just pray for your Mr. Right to come along. Also, be the Mrs. Right your Mr. Right is looking for.


  1. Option #1 = DANGER DANGER DANGER!!!! Become the woman that Mr. Right is looking for!? Good heavens, what ever happened to finding out that you're awesome enough as it is?! If they would spend all that time becoming comfortable enough in their own skins and finding out that they're awesome enough and lovable enough with whatever nerdy wonderful characteristics God gave them, rather than trying to fix themselves--their confidence would soar AND they'll have more stuff to talk about on their dates. And a lot of times if they stop worrying about what's wrong with them and start enjoying and appreciating what's right, God sends Mr. Right along in his own time.

    Just being who you are and developing that person to become the best she can be with the gifts and talents God has given her is enough. And I think that the sentence "Don't just pray for Mr. Right to come along," should be, "while you're falling in love with yourself and the woman you're meant to be, Pray that God continues to develop the man your to fall for and that you'll be ready when God puts him in your path."

    I just think the message of this chapter is way off. It sends the message that you have control over the situation, but there are so many scenarios, in life, in the Bible, that we have no control or input whatsoever--and when we try to, we screw it up royally. A woman who tries to change these things is going to be so miserable--especially if she gets the guy that she has changed for and finds out he's human and maybe she didn't want that after all. God tends to give us what we need, not what we want, and maybe that's what this chapter meant to say, but that's not the message that was sent.

    My last comment--and I hope you know I'm not being mean, but trying to be constructive--what type of book is it? The chapters don't have as much "meat" or material that fully explain stuff. I feel like I'm reading an overview. Is there more or is that it, because in context, 1-2 pages per chapters seems really short and not enough information to really delve into the answers to the question provided. Maybe I just like a wordier explanation, who knows.

    I definitely applaud your effort to tackle writing the book...there are just a couple of things I'm opinionated about. Feel free to delete my posts after reading anytime if they're offensive to you.

  2. Lily,
    Oh no! Obviously our heart's intent was not communicated clearly in this chapter and we will be modifying it and reposting it. Of course our heart is not for girls to change to become the girl the guy wants. Our heart for Option #1 was to communicate a message that I have talked to several girls about recently... "You are looking for this super Godly man who is in love with Jesus... and yet, you have been seeking God with half of your heart and not running with your eyes focused on the cross." So, change... Start running this race toward the cross with all of your might and then a super Godly man, who is totally in love with Jesus will notice you. The motive is NOT to get the guy to notice you, but to love Christ first and foremost. However, naturally, guys who are in love with Jesus will start to notice you if your life is reflecting Jesus as your Lord and King.

    We were trying to keep the chapters short and sweet. Keeping it the size of a small handbook. However, we have realized through conversations with many people, that our hearts are not being heard.

    People who know Mary and I know that our heart is to first push people toward loving Jesus with all of their hearts and souls and minds and strength... To seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all of these things (including Mr. Right) will be added to you... To be completely satisfied and content in Christ and your intimate relationship with Him. Second, we want to offer practical advice and wisdom so that when a girl is approached by a guy she is confident in her response.

    Have you ever had a time when you sat down to figure out a problem and you stared and stared at the problem and couldn't find a solution... So, you back up and take some time away from it and then return to it? Mary and I had spent so much time typing out all of this advice that we give to girls and we just needed fresh eyes on it. We were submitting it to our friends in this blog to get advice and see where our "blind spots" were. We are not offended by your post at all! This is exactly why we are posting it... To get feedback!

    And obviously, our true hearts were not heard in this chapter and several others, so we are going to add a lot more to these chapters to clarify! We will also be adding a few more chapters after a great conversation I had with an amazing woman here in Mandeville.

    Thank you, Lily, I really appreciate your input! Keep it coming! And, to you other girls, I know you are reading this!!! Please, please, please give us your feedback!