Sunday, August 15, 2010
They Date the Wrong Guy Over and Over
Julie was a mess. AGAIN. Her roommate Heidi had to hear about it. AGAIN. Julie appeared to be a confident girl who attracted a lot of attention from the male population. However, she was always getting into relationships with guys who were hot, fun and bold but who ended up being controlling, manipulative and prideful.
Most of us make this mistake over and over. We end up having a “type” of guy that we are attracted to and easily fall for. The Manly Man. The Jock. The Sensitive Boy. The Romantic. The Ultra-Christian. Here’s the deal. The first impression is not always accurate. The Manly Man tends to hurt our feelings with his words and actions. The Romantic easily gives his heart away and takes it back just as quickly. The Ultra-Christian doesn’t always end up being the strongest Christian in the bunch. Many times, it is the guy in the background, serving, who is the quality “marrying-type”. However, because we are so drawn to “Mr. Popularity” we miss the amazing guys on the sidelines.
We stand by our policy: Give every Christian guy two dates. Open your eyes and look around at all of the different types. Give each guy a chance. Learn from each of life’s experiences. This way, when Mr. Right comes along you will know that the qualities he holds are the exact qualities you need in a man.
1. Learn from your mistakes. We all make mistakes. Our job is to learn from our past mistakes and change our behavior and choices in the future.
2. Make a list. Get a little notebook. Get your favorite pen. Now start thinking about your past relationships. What did you like about the guy? What qualities drove you nuts? Look at your best friends. What qualities do you admire in them and what makes them your most trusted friends? What habits do they have that make you crazy? What about your siblings? Parents? Write these down.
3. Look for a Pattern. You should start to see a pattern develop in your list. Most of your closest friends have personality traits in common. Many of the bad habits that get on your nerves are the same.
4. Start a New List. On another page start to write a list of the qualities and personality traits you would like your Mr. Right to have. (Note: You may be blind to the qualities you need in a mate. Call those who know and love you best and ask them what attributes they think you seek.)
5. Select the Non-Negotiables. There are some characteristics that are non-negotiable. For example, on my list I knew that the man I married had to have a growing relationship with Jesus, be honest and stand up for what is right. These items (and a few others) were underlined on my list.
6. Use Your List. After your second date with a guy pull out the list. Use a pencil and go down the characteristics you have listed. Check off each characteristic he has and leave a blank next to the ones he does not have or has not proven to you yet. If you still want to date him, then after a few more dates go back to your list. If he is missing the mark on a bunch of your likes, you need to go to a friend or a wise woman in your life who you admire and trust and openly discuss your concerns. Ask her if you are being too sensitive or picky or if this is just not a good match. Be willing to accept her advice. If he is hitting the mark… Have fun! Keep dating him! But keep it casual so that if you realize a month or two months into dating that he is not the man of your dreams as you look at your list, then the relationship won’t end in heartbreak!
The only way to avoid dating Mr. Wrong over and over is to give different kinds of guys a chance. Go out with all kinds of guys. Say yes to more dates.