Monday, September 13, 2010

They Kiss Too Early

Mistake #12

Ella was a girl with high standards when it came to guys. In fact, she didn’t date much at all. It wasn’t that she wasn’t attractive or nice. She just knew what she wanted in a man and had decided she wasn’t going to settle for less. Then Jordan came along, he was super cute, way fun and very flirty and he wasn’t afraid to pursue Ella. Ella found this very flattering and fun. At first, she had no problem turning him down, because she knew that Jordan wasn’t the kind of man she wanted to marry. However, as time went on, Ella started to think that it might be fun just to kiss him. There wouldn’t be anything wrong with that as long as she made it clear to Jordan this wasn’t going anywhere. They were just going to have fun. Before she knew it, Ella found herself heartbroken that she was going to have to break up with Jordan, someone she never even wanted to date in the first place.

In college, my group of friends had something we called NCL, or Non-Committal Lip. Basically, the thought was that we could make out with someone just for fun and it wouldn’t mean anything the next day. In theory, this sounded great, but it never worked out this simply. Did I mention never? Literally, never! Many times NCL make-out sessions led to relationships my friends never wanted and later ended in unnecessary heartbreak.

I’m not just talking about NCL here. I’m also talking about kissing or other physical affection whether it is someone you are casual with or someone you are interested in having a future with. Here are the cold, hard facts, girls:

• Fact #1: Our hearts, minds and bodies are not separate entities unaffected by one another. When we start kissing or snuggling someone, we start caring about them differently than before. We have shared an intimacy with that person. When you kiss someone you are creating a connection.

• Fact #2: Kissing makes us feel committed to someone. Internally, we all just seem to know that it is not okay to be physical with more than one person at a time. With that in mind; once we kiss someone, we innately know we shouldn‘t kiss anyone else until that physical relationship has been severed. Therefore, if you don’t want to be committed to a guy or you just don’t want to be committed yet, DON'T KISS HIM.

• Fact #3: Kissing is foreplay to sex. I never realized this until after I got married. Knowing this explains why once you start kissing it is so hard to stop yourself from going further. You aren’t designed to stop at just kissing. You are designed to consummate what you have started.

To quote my hero Paul, “And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” (Romans 12:1-2 NLT)

Before you start kissing someone, ask yourself two questions:

1. Am I ready to commit to this person?

2. Is this pleasing to God, or am I just trying to satisfy my flesh?

Here is another reason to limit yourself to one alcoholic beverage. More alcohol makes you too comfortable and equals loose lips. You are more likely to reveal too much (as we discussed in the last chapter) and you kiss too much.


  1. Love you blog! Posted it on my site if you want to check it out. :)

  2. Thanks, Heather! I did check out your blog. It is very encouraging, practical, and honest. I love that you encourage people to be honest with God!