Monday, June 14, 2010
They Are Too Available
*The best comment on the blog each week will receive a $5 Starbuck gift card! So, let us know how the challenges are going for you or if you have comments! Congratulations to Lilly, the winner of the Best Comment of the Week last week. Send me your mailing address and I will put your gift card in the mail today!*
Sophie thought she found Mr. Right and they became best friends. Mr. Right was Ryan and they had been hanging out almost daily for two years. She was always there for him. If he needed anything, she took care of it. She was his biggest fan, yet she could gently tell him the truth. He called her every night and they talked for hours. They shared lots of witty emails back and forth. She was the kind of girl he wanted to share his life with, but why didn’t he seem to want anything more?
Quite simply, Sophie was too available. She just wasn’t a challenge for Ryan. Men are hunters. They want to feel that they’ve caught something that is hard to get. I’m not saying we need to play games, but I am saying that we need to leave guys wanting more. Have you ever eaten so much of your favorite chocolate cake that you thought, “I don’t even want to think about chocolate cake for while!”? But if you just have a few bites of that yummy chocolate cake, you still want more the rest of the day.
If you exercise a little self-control, you will get to enjoy being pursued, and he will get to enjoy chasing after you. A man may say he doesn’t want to have to pursue a woman. He is lazy and he is not your Mr. Right.
Here are some guidelines that will help you to leave him wanting more:
• Phone: When you talk on the phone, only talk for ten minutes. This will prevent you from revealing too much too soon as we will discuss in chapter 11. Then let him know you’ve enjoyed talking with him, but you’ve got something to do. This is not a lie. There is always something to do whether it is homework, laundry, exercise, prayer, etc. By telling him that you enjoyed talking with him, you are letting him know that you are not rejecting him. This will give him the courage to call again. When ending a call say, “It’s been great talking to you, but I totally have to have go! I’d love to talk again soon!” Remember: TEN MINUTES MAX!
• Cell phone: If he calls while you are in the middle of something or with other people, CALL HIM BACK LATER! We call this the Be Where You Are Principle. I understand that for some of you this may be extremely difficult, but show some consideration to your present company by giving them your undivided attention. If you don’t take his call, it will just be another opportunity for him to see that you are an interesting and popular person. When you do talk on the phone with him, remember TEN MINUTES MAX!
• Text Messaging: If he texts you and it warrants a response, wait at least an half an hour or longer to text him back. This will give you time to think about what you are going to say. As girls we love to go on and on, when many times we need to zip it. If he takes several hours to respond to you, then you take at least that long to respond to him (use Mirror Rule in chapter 11: respond no sooner or lengthier than he does). Remember, you are a fun person with plenty going on. You don’t just sit around all day waiting to text back and forth with him. Remember, be where you are and let him desire more of you. When you do have a text conversation with him, limit it to 10 minutes. He needs to ask you for a date to spend more time communicating with you.
• Spending time with him: He needs to ask you out at least two days in advance for a date. You are an interesting woman with exciting things going on in your life. If you are willing to go out at the drop of a hat, you will not communicate that to him. If he does ask with less than two days’ notice, let him know that you would really love to go out sometime, but you have something to do. Again, this is true. You have Bible study to do, friends to catch up with and shopping to get done, just to name a few. Also, by telling him that you would love to go on a date sometime, you encourage him to ask again. He’ll just learn that next time he need to asks with more notice. Here’s what to say (in sweet, sugary voice), “Ohhh, I’d love to, but I can’t! I have other plans, please ask again sometime.”
• Email: Follow his lead in the length of the message and how quickly you reply. First, wait at least until the next day to respond. Give yourself time to think about what you want to say. “Be quick to listen, slow to speak.” (James 1:19 NLT) Second, if you are emailing back and forth and it takes two days for him to respond, you need to take at least two days to answer back. Also, keep your responses shorter than his email.
• Facebook, MySpace, Etc.: The same rules that apply to email apply here. Take time to think about what you want to say. Be lighthearted and witty. If he wants to know the deeper parts of you, let him pursue you to be able to see that side of you. It is all about the Mirror Rule!
Remember, communication is much more than what you say. Often it is what you don’t say. You don’t want to appear more interested than him or he’ll think he has you. Let him see that you are a fascinating person who lots of people enjoy being around. When you are immediately available to him, you are communicating that you have nothing going on. If you have nothing going on, you are probably not very interesting. Always keep the Mirror Rule in mind and it will be much easier to keep him captivated. Let him be the hunter so he can enjoy a bit of a chase while you enjoyed being pursued.
*Challenge: Follow the "Be Where You Are Principle" this week. When you are with a friend or family member or in a meeting do not pay attention to your phone. After the meeting or time with your friend, when you are alone, check your phone for texts, emails, facebook messages, etc... And use your alone time to return the calls, texts, etc... Give the person you are with your undivided attention.