Sunday, October 17, 2010

They Do Not Expect Respect

Mistake #15

Mirabelle naturally related well to guys.  She was rarely without a boyfriend and once she had a boyfriend she was all in.  They spent most of their free time together and she seldom did things with just her girlfriends or the clubs she was involved in.  If he wasn’t doing it, she wasn’t doing it.  On top of that, she would put up with more and more lack of respect.  Sometimes he said he was going to pick her up at 6 and did not show until 7:30.  Other times he made plans with her, but when the guys planned something better he canceled.  Sometimes he even went through doors first and did not hold the door for her.  If they spent time together, she had to make the plans. 

Of course, there are deeper issues as to why a girl puts up with this treatment.  Maybe this kind of behavior was what was modeled at home, or maybe she doesn’t think she can do any better.  If this is you, we recommend you start a Bible study on who you are as a child of God.  (See Appendix C.)
Here are some practical things to do to gently demonstrate that you expect respect:
1.      Be less available.  We discuss this in Chapter 2.  If Mirabelle puts the principles in place that we talk about in Chapter 2, many of these issues will quickly be resolved.
2.      Make new plans.  If it is 30 minutes after he was supposed to pick you up and he hasn’t called, make new plans and go do them.  When he asks you about it, you can graciously (not sarcastically) explain that when he didn’t show up, you figured you had gotten the day wrong and had made new plans.  If he tracks you down in your new plans and wants you to go on the date with him, stick with the new plans and say, “I’d love to hang out sometime but I’ve already made other plans!”  You will rarely encounter this situation though if you are following the “Be Where You Are” principle explained in Chapter 2.
3.      Drop him and move on.  If he drops plans with you for something that is less than once in a lifetime, you need to move on.  He doesn’t really like you enough for you to waste your heart on him.  It’s possible that time will pass and he will realize he has made a mistake.  If that is the case, make him start at the beginning with you and win you all over again.  In the meantime, you need to move on.  For great ideas on how to get over him refer to Appendix A.
4.      Let him serve you.  If you want a man who holds doors for you, you need to stop, wait and let him open it.  Sit in the car and wait for him to come open your door for you.  It won’t take him long to get out of the car and realize that you are still sitting in the car waiting for him to open your door.  If something is heavy, ask him to carry it for you.  If he offers to help you with something, let him.  Men want to be a knight in shining armor and you want a gentleman, so give him the opportunity to act like one and let him be chivalrous. 
5.      Stop making plans.  If he wants to be with you, he will do something about it.  He will pick up a phone and call, or he will stop by and see you and ask for a date.  If he doesn’t do something to make plans with you, you can move on without letting your heart get any more involved with this person.  

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